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Posted by on Mar 18, 2022 in Blog, Rants and Raves, Restaurant Reviews | 2 comments

The Worst Invention in the History of the World: High Top Tables and Chairs

 

 

Question: Why would anyone want to sit on a terribly uncomfortable backless chair with your feet propped off the ground?

Hightop tables and chairs are the worst, stupidest, most impractical, torturous, inexplicable invention in the entire history of humankind. Worse than DDT, fake black hair sprays, hydrogen blimps, pop-up ads, clip-on neckties, and Country Crock.

All high-top tables and chairs should be gathered and then burned in a giant bonfire while we all link arms and sing “Celebration.”

The problem is, they’re everywhere. An invasion. Bars. Restaurants. Casinos. Ice cream parlors. Sportsbooks. They’re like a Kardashian version of furniture: Everybody hates them but they just won’t fucking go away.

What gets me is — why would anyone want to sit on a terribly uncomfortable backless chair with your feet propped off the ground? What purpose is possibly served by raising my meal, my beer, and my ass 12 inches straight up into the air teetering on four-leg stool matchsticks?What’s the point of this insanity?

High-top tables and chairs don’t save on space. They are heavy, which means bulky. And whoever decided to make any chair without a back for support deserves to be tortured on a rack and boiled in molten lead.

I’m hereby launching a boycott against HIGH-TOP TABLES AND CHAIRS. Barstools, I totally get that. There’s a reason for barstools, which belong at, you guessed it, a BAR. But high-tops…..no.

Never!

This madness must end.

2 Comments

  1. I love every word in every sentence you write. I just discovered you and in my present state of mind you are salve for my geriatric soul. Thank you for commenting on such a wide variety of topics from politics to food to travel to entertainment. I’m ripping through every article like a kid on Christmas morning. And I hate high tops and bar stools too.

    • NOLAN REPLIES:

      Thanks Tess, for the kind words. Please come over the Facebook and join our discussions sometime. Would love to have your input.

      All the best,

      — ND

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