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Posted by on Mar 12, 2016 in Blog, Politics | 8 comments

The Epidemic of Interruption

 

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If I can be permitted to finish making my point — without interruption — I’ll explain what this article is about.

 

Have you noticed how often we interrupt each….

[No, people aren’t interrupting.  That’s not true.  It’s all in your imagination.  People have always been like this.  Besides, who wants to listen to someone else rambling on and on, when I have something far more important to say?]

On television, inside the workplace, while on leisure, within families, across all social media platforms — there’s a serious crisis in communication happening right now, and it’s….

[A serious crisis?  Puh-lease.  We don’t want substance.  We want entertainment.  We’re attracted to fireworks, not campfires.  Get real.  This is 2016.  Civility is old-fashioned.]

We’re plagued with an epidemic of interruption which threatens to….

[An epidemic! — what in the hell are you talking about?]

Well, if I can be permitted to finish making my point — WITHOUT INTERRUPTION — I’ll explain.

Watching “Real Time with Bill Maher” on HBO last night, I was astounded at how frequently one speaker interrupted the other.  Of course, some give and take is to be expected on an unscripted show.  However, the incomplete-thoughts and barrage of cut-offs struck me as rude and unwelcoming (last night’s program was particularly awful in this regard).  It detracted not only from becoming more informed but the entertainment value, as well.

For those unfamiliar with the “Real-Time” format, as various topics were discussed, a panelist would get to speak for no more than a few seconds before someone else jumped in and rudely interrupted, often in mid-sentence.  Maher has even become a cringe-worthy host at times, bombastically cutting off his guests with some non-sequitur, occasionally even diverting the topic to whatever seemed to pop into his head at the moment.  It’s become annoying — and sad, frankly — watching a veteran interviewer and naturally-gifted instigator like Maher become so grossly insensitive to the amenity of his guests.  He’s tone-deaf as to how bad he looks when vocally bullying others on his hand-picked panel.

It’s not just television where this is a problem.  That’s just the most glaring example.  Maher’s conduct typifies a much larger crisis in communication and the ways we socially interact.  Lots of people out there seem to be talking, but few appear to be listening.  In other words, Maher isn’t alone.  Rather, he has become what we are — he is us.  Fueled by an inflated appraisal of self-importance, way too often we think our ideas are far more important (and more entertaining) than what others bring into the discussion.  It amounts to verbal narcissism.  We don’t bother waiting until the other person finishes a thought before hijacking the discussion in order to get our own point across.  Why wait and listen, when it’s so much easier to ambush the speaker by interrupting?

More than anything else, the pervasive influences of social media have contributed to the destruction of communication, the lack of empathy, and the decline of mutual respect.  With attention spans now limited to the time frame that it takes to microwave a bag of popcorn, we aren’t much interested in stories or details anymore.  We want cliff notes, snarky quips, and put-downs, preferably tweeted in 140 characters or less, or perhaps just a few seconds, if someone else is lucky enough to be speaking.  Test our patience by going longer than that, and one risks being cut short.

Even presidential candidates of both parties have become engulfed by the interruption brigade.  Recent debates have deteriorated into shouting matches.  This certainly does make for compelling, must-watch, guilty-pleasure train-wreck television.  But this lack of civility also has a grotesquely counterproductive impact on political discourse and diverts any notion at all of striving for serious compromise.  We aren’t interested much anymore in working with those with whom we disagree.  We don’t really care what others have to say unless we can trip them up later by misrepresenting what was stated earlier.  There’s no real effort to understand.  The mission has become to destroy.

This destruction feeds on itself and snowballs into something even more troublesome.  Interruption becomes self-defeating.  It isolates us from alternative points of view.  It alienates potential colleagues and allies who might want to work together, but who are offended when they’re cut off in conversation.  Who wants to subject themselves to such abuse?

Next time you’re in the midst of a conversation, note the number of times someone interrupts what’s being said.  Think of what must be going on in the mind of that person who is so rude as to cut others off in the middle of a discussion.  Perhaps even more vital, count the number of times you catch yourself wanting to interrupt, but then (hopefully) do not.  If you have to restrain yourself more than a few times, you might want to examine the way you’re perceived in social engagements more closely.  The truth might hard to face but will ultimately make you better for it.

This problem is considerably worse for many females.  I’ve noticed there’s a sexist strain to this phenomenon, particularly in media.  This is plain as day if you watch political round table discussions or talk shows.  Fact is, women get cut off way more often than men — and usually by men.  With some exceptions, women do tend to speak more softly.  In turn — perhaps a by-product of gender differences and/or natural evolution — men are predisposed to think by cutting off someone else and then talking louder they’re winning points in a debate.  The reaction by women to all this rudeness is predictable.  Whether consciously or not, they abbreviate their thoughts.  They speak shorter and faster to try and get their point across, which in turn diminishes the content of what’s being said.  Should you doubt this, just watch how longtime political analyst Gloria Bulger is often treated by her male counterparts on CNN.  I’ve lost count at how many times Bulger was left with her mouth wide open in mid-sentence while one of the other (usually male) colleagues hijacked the conversation.

Boiled down to its core, interruption means something far more devastating for the modern culture.  It means that others are not listening.  They might as well be deaf.  Interruption is the ultimate insult, especially coming from people who should know better and earnestly insist they want to engage with others in conversation.  Well, no they don’t.  Those who constantly interrupt are in love with the sound of their own voice.  Nothing more.  Everyone else is a prop.

In closing, I’ll relay a short story about a well-known professional poker player named Mickey Appleman, a legend of the game I’ve known for many years.  Appleman is one of poker’s most captivating personalities, and I enjoy speaking with him whenever I can.  About a year ago, I visited Appleman in New York City.  We were talking together inside a cafe, when I recognized something very unique about him that I’d never noticed before, despite our many conversations together.  After I said something, Appleman would often remain silent for a few seconds before composing his own thoughts and responding.  I was curious about this.  I asked Appleman if he was tired, or perhaps slowing down a bit, mentally speaking.  Why did he almost always pause before responding to me?

Appleman taught me a valuable lesson that day.  He replied that in those few seconds he was thinking about what I was saying before responding.  In other words, he wasn’t half-listening to me while contemplating what wanted to say.  He was actively engaged in the lost art of listening.  Naturally, this made him even more compelling as someone to have a conversation with, and more importantly — listen to.  Such respect has become rare.  We could use a lot more of that.

Thank you for reading, readers.  Thank you for listening, listeners.  Most important — thank you for not interrupting.  Now, I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this.

8 Comments

  1. Chris Matthews is especially annoying in this regard.

    • As does Nancy grace. Sorry to interrupt.

  2. ……….

    Let me sleep on it?

    You hit us with some heavy here Bubba.

    Just one question… Before I start my pondering..

    What do you do when dealing with complete dolts. Idiots. When “forced” into having a logical conversation?

    Life is hard sometimes.

    • Nolan Replies:

      Always nice to see you on the comments section, Tom. Answering your question — with age comes awareness that I no longer want to waste my time around those who lack civility, curiosity, and the ability to reason. Step away. Re-focus. Align with those who share your curiosities, not your opinions mind you, but the willingness to explore alternative ideas. I find there are rude people who interrupt in all persuasions, and the sooner we separate ourselves from them, the better off we are and the sooner they might even become enlightened.

      — ND

  3. Amen. This has long been one of my chief irritants. When somebody interrupts me, what I hear is, “I’m not interested in what you have to say.” My usual response is to just stop talking–because why bother when the other person has so clearly indicated that he or she doesn’t want to listen to me?

  4. Hi Nolan:

    I just read a book with a line that can and should be applied to you interruption piece. “Mom told me when you can’t say something nice take another bite of dinner and then chew slowly.”

  5. Well said, Nolan Dalla. I wonder where this is all going to go, in Our Culture?

    Interrupted People have a choice. Either interrupt back, or shut up. Or…?

    Those that shout back lose themselves in unintelligible noise. Not very productive of anything valuable or useful. A mutual nullification at best? A brawl, or some other violence, at worst.

    Those that shut up (the interrupted ones)have choices too. Difficult ones. Sit in righteous indignation…maybe until the reaction to rudeness subsides? If these are good at self-discipline, they might use the speaking time of the “interrupter” to remember where they were when they were so rudely interrupted…in preparation to resume where they left off (As I was saying) If they have really sharp minds they could really grasp what the interrupter is saying in order to:

    Honestly agree with it.

    Or refute it, or parts of it.

    Besides all of this, I believe that a skilled moderator who is devoted to not allowing rude interruptions (all are rude aren’t they?)be present to negate the negativity. Maybe in time the “Moderator” can actually help the compulsive verbal narcissist to learn not to be rude in this way. Maybe. Maybe not. In my opinion, skilled “Moderators” are worth a try in meaningful communications.

    Thanks for the informative piece. Its a “keeper”.

  6. Perhaps this is a bi-product of the past few generations which have been told that they (we) are all special. I remember, in the 80’s (maybe it even began in the 70’s), a whole movement about how we should teach self-esteem and how important that was to a child’s development. Perhaps it backfired and now we have way too much self-esteem, so much so that we are all so self-absorbed that we don’t care enough about other people. You’re right in that civility has been thrown overboard. A true friend, in conversation, will actually listen and respond, instead of simply spouting their opinion. I suppose that’s a good barometer of a true friend (or, at least, a considerate stranger).

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