I browsed the magazine rack and was astonished to see a stunning number of gun, rifle, shotgun, and ammunition-related publications. No, this display isn’t at a gun show in Alabama. This was a bookstore in Summerlin, an upscale community in west Las Vegas.
We’ve know print journalism is in serious trouble.
Americans no longer read much, unless it’s a text message. Newspapers are cutting back. Magazines are shutting down. Even major bookstores are now closing.
Yet when it comes to giving red, white, and blue flag-waving — pickup truck driving — Coors drinking — immigrant-bashing — Obama hating — right-wing American citizenry the latest news and tantalizing gossip about guns and ammunition, let’s just say the market has this subject pretty well covered. The only thing missing is a new television show, Housewives of Nashville — Packing Heat.
Indeed, I was getting worried that guns weren’t getting nearly enough attention in our society. With all the murders, handgun accidents, cases of domestic violence, police shootings, and so forth happening in everyday America (yesterday, a 9-year-old girl accidentally blew someone away in Arizona with an Uzi), who’s got time to contemplate the latest review on the new Glock 3D SF which is about to hit the streets?
Earlier this afternoon, I was in a Barnes and Noble (Note: For my readers under the age of 25 — that’s a bookstore….B-O-O-K-S-T-O-R-E….do a Google search for more information). I browsed the magazine rack and was astonished to see a stunning number of gun, rifle, shotgun, and ammunition-related publications. No, this display isn’t at a gun show in Alabama. This was in Summerlin, an upscale community in west Las Vegas.
Look closer at the photo above. There’s a magazine for every gun fetish. If you like bigger barrels, might I recommend Shotgun News? If your tastes gravitate towards Asians, check out Japanese Firearms Monthly. For those wanting a quickie, try Light Caliber Review. For those who prefer the thrill of bestiality, I recommend Deer Hunter. If you love guns, just pick up the latest edition of GUN NUT WHATEVER, and blast away.
Still, as a writer and amateur social commentator — I’m curious about something. Most of these are monthly publications, correct? That means each one of these publications must pump out fresh material about every 30-days or so. 100 pages per rag. What subject involving guns can be so riveting that there need to be 40 to 50 magazines currently in circulation to cover it — all revolving around the latest news to a lot of people who don’t even bother to read? It’s like 40 sites like PokerNews hooked on black-tar heroin.
By comparison, look at the golf section. Those rags instruct us on the skill of chasing a little white ball across a golf course. About 15 major golf magazines exist, which still seems like a lot. That means there are three times as many gun-related magazines out there on the market as golf-related publications.
Excuse me for just a moment, while I gather my thoughts…
Okay, I’m ready.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
A review of some of these magazine titles is frightening. Folks, I am not making any of these up. Check them out for yourself.
The Counter Terrorist refers to itself as, “America’s premier informational journal for Homeland Security professionals, our mission is to provide first responders relevant technical information they need to combat terrorism at home and abroad.”
Well, I must say — you’re doing one hell of a job, readers of The Counter Terrorist. Where would American be without you? You nabbed the underwear bomber. Oh, wait. Actually, you didn’t do shit. He actually pulled the string, only the dynamite didn’t blow up. Oh well, you guys can still take the credit. Same thing with the shoe bomber. You didn’t stop that, either. Same thing with the van in Times Square. So much for your magazine, which might as well be a giant circle jerk of overgrown boys who still love to play cowboys and Indians. Gee, come to think of it — counter-terrorism units haven’t done ONE goddamned thing to stop an act of terrorism in America, have they? Yet, there’s an entire magazine for all the little heroes sucking on the fear tit.
How about Tactical Weapons? You certainly don’t want to miss this latest issue. This magazine bills itself as follows — “Tactical Weapons is the exciting bi-monthly publication that is much more than a gun-test driven magazine.” Exciting??? Sorry, that’s not a word I want to be associated with someone brandishing a firearm. If someone is about to cream in their pants with a finger on the trigger, fuck your Second Amendment rights. You’re not a patriot. You’re a psychopath.
There’s another magazine on the rack. It’s called Tactical Knives. Yes, that’s really the title. Hey, one never knows when you might leave the local Applebees and end up engaged in a switchblade fight in the parking lot. Here’s the perfect magazine just for you.
Another favorite, I’m sure is Shooting Times and Shooting Times and Country. I’m not really sure of the difference. Adding to the confusion is another magazine called Shooting Sports, and another called Rifle Shooter. That’s just the start of the double-barreled firearm brigade. I guess this is what we call “shotgun bukkake.”
All this gun talk is getting me all hot and bothered. I really feel the need to shoot (and hopefully kill) something. And who says I’m not a patriotic American?
