Writer’s Note: There’s bitter irony in this faux article, written in 2000 shortly after Chris “Jesus” Ferguson won the world championship that same year. I had some fun with the “Jesus” thing, combining that angle with the constant banter about online poker being “rigged.” Because of Ferguson’s troubles and the immeasurable damage that he and his cronies did to the poker community, this article has a much different feel now than when it was written and Ferguson was such a respected figure. But I’ll go ahead and include it today as part of the redux.
THE ONION is one of my favorite all-time websites.
For those who haven’t seen it, THE ONION mocks current events by posting completely fabricated news stories which tend to be wickedly funny. It’s essentially a news site where absolutely nothing is true. Sort of like watching FOX NEWS — except it’s far more humorous.
The real gems are articles that appear utterly ridiculous. But when reading a bit closer between the lines, they reveal some startling truths about an issue. Take a look at THE ONION and I’ll bet you won’t be able to leave the site before laughing your ass off while nodding your head in agreement at the witty satire.
Ten years or so ago I wrote several “Onion-esque” poker stories. None of these stories are/were true, of course. I’m posting them here for the first time. These articles originally appeared at POKERPAGES.COM between 2000-2002.
Prior to each article here, I’ve added a few notes from memory in order to place them into proper context. Again, keep in mind these “stories” were written more than ten years ago, long before the so-called “poker boom.” So, in some aspects, they’re dated.
Depending on if there’s much reaction, I might do several modern-day versions of a “Poker Onion.” There’s no shortage of material for ridicule in today’s poker world.
This is the first of a two-part series. Hope you enjoy!
Writer’s Note: I wrote this up in 2002, four years before UIEGA was passed and nine years before Black Friday. At the time, I was outraged by such a passive attitude on the part of the poker community. No one cared much about the politics of online poker. Back then, the prevailing attitude was that online poker would never be outlawed. How prophetic this article turned out to be. What’s truly sad is — it’s not nearly as funny anymore since parts of it actually came true, in part because of so many poker players remaining apathetic and apolitical. One humorous side note — when this appeared on the front page of POKERPAGES.COM, several readers thought it was real and went to various online poker forum in a panic (they obviously just saw the headline and didn’t bother reading the article).