STARTING BANKROLL: $10,000.
CURRENT BANKROLL: $11,284.
I might be the shittiest handicapper in the universe. Seriously.
Still, I’ve posted enough point spread/teaser wheel winners to be a whopping 11.2 percent ahead of the season. Stuff that in your Christmas stocking, my friends. While your 401 K gathers micro dust, I’m pumping out pure profit almost every week. But hey, as you all know — I’ve been doing this for quite a while. I know — you’re jealous.
Here’s another thought: For you fuckers who faded me (you should see the e-mails I get on this after an occasional bad week), what in the hell are you going to do for the holidays? You must be broke, by now. You poor things. One would think you’d have learned your lesson since fading me would have produced just one winning season over the past five seasons. Fade me on every pick I’ve posted since I started doing this back in 2012 and you’d be stuck about 75 grand right now. Seventy-five g’s. Poor fuckers. Fade away.
Okay, so I’m crowing a little.
Something absolutely has to be done about NFL officiating.
Sure, referees get blamed far too often for the outcome of games. However, last week’s debacle in the Houston-Oakland game played on Monday night was as blatant an example of incompetence in officiating as I’ve ever witnessed.
My teaser wheel suffered what you might call a “temporary setback” last week. The New England Patriots shit all over the bed, thus negating what would otherwise have been a monster 11-2 week.
Fortunately, I have my contingency strategy in play — the martingale system — which is about to kick in. My martingale system will not only recoup last week’s losses, but it will also generate the profit we should have won before the Patriots got the call for Roger Goodell and decided to screw me.
Listen up, my children.
When it comes to sports betting, I’m the “mother of invention.”
Consider yourselves lucky. I have a new invention. And I’m sharing it for free. Gather around. Listen. Learn. Today’s lesson: “Teaser Wheel Martingales.”
If you’ve been reading my website for any length of time, by now you’re undoubtedly aware of my magnum opus creative brainchild, known as the “teaser wheel.”
When the glorious history of football handicapping someday gets written, I’m expecting a platitude of praise for my greatest contribution to sports wagering science — the teaser wheel.
They laughed at Aristotle. They laughed at Pathagaras. They laughed at all the greats. For it is they and they alone who dared to think outside the box of conventional wisdom. They challenged the basic assumptions of their times and even threatened the establishment with their ideas. So it is also with my teaser wheel.
Last week, I was down to my final out, and last dollar. So, I no other choice but to dust off “old faithful,” which spewed a big profit. I nearly doubled my bankroll in a single day. Like I said, there should be statues commissioned for what I’m doing for NFL bettors. Here’s the game-by-game breakdown: