Pages Menu
Categories Menu

Posted by on Mar 16, 2013 in Blog, Essays | 19 comments

What Sex Scandals Really Teach Us




Today’s column makes me feel dirty for writing it.

Not because today’s column is about sex — because I see nothing wrong with two consenting adults engaging in physical acts as natural as eating and drinking.  And not because the salacious “crime” of prostitution is hereby alleged, which is perfectly legal in the world’s more advanced countries where local laws aren’t written by Bible-thumping hillbillies.

I’m sickened by writing today’s column because it forces me to expose myself to the tacky musings of bottom-feeding creeps who revel in the lascivious details of others’ sex lives.

You know who you are.  In recent days you’ve posted “breaking news” to Facebook.  You’ve used your Twitter accounts.  You’ve made wicked comments at the various poker forums.  You look at scandal as entertainment.

Well, I have a question or two for you.

What fucking business is it of yours (or mine) who is having sex with who?  And if you’re really that interested in details, then why is this so?  Is your own sex life so utterly unfulfilling that you must project your natural curiosities upon others — more specifically those who are more successful that you are?  Please tell me — what does this say about you?

Furthermore, why is this the media’s business?  Moreover, why is this law enforcement’s business?

In case you didn’t head the latest news, it was reported that 2004 world poker champion Greg Raymer was caught up in a prostitution sting by the very finest of Wake Forest, North Carolina.  Surely, the good citizens of that community can now breath a collective sigh of relief and take great comfort in knowing that a dozen or so police officers were removed from patrolling the streets in order to post phoney ads on CraigsList and hang out inside motel room in order to trap those who took the bait.  Presumably, more serious crimes in Wake Forest have all been solved.  Bravo, Wake Forest Police Department!

Now, I have no idea if any of this or the charges against Greg are true.  And the bottom line is — I don’t really care.

What people chose to do with their own free time in their private lives is entirely their business.  I challenge everyone reading this to think about things you’ve done in the past which may have been embarrassing or illegal — or both.  Perhaps you’ve participated in illegal underground poker games.  Maybe you’ve placed bets with a bookie.  Perhaps you use marijuana, or other drugs.  Perhaps you’ve even used the services of an escort for sex.

My question is — who the fuck cares?

In the interest of full disclosure, Greg Raymer is a personal friend of mine.  He was a close friend long before he won the WSOP Main Event, dating all the way back to 1996.  I stand by Greg because that’s what friends do.  Friends stand with those who need love and support when it matters most.  For Greg, I suspect this is one of those times that matters most.

Surely, there are times when the sex lives of famous people do matter.  They should be exposed.  This is particularly true when sex acts expose the person as a fraud.  Three recent examples from the news are Eliot Spitzer, Ted Haggard, and Sen. Larry Craig.

Eliot Spitzer deserved exposure and ridicule because at the same time he was fervently prosecuting organized crime figures (which purportedly controlled prostitution in New York) as district attorney, state attorney general, and later as governor, he was actively engaged in using the services of prostitutes.

Ted Haggard merited unmasking because as an outspoken pastor he condemned homosexuality.  When Haggard was exposed as a liar and hypocrite for trying to hide an ongoing affair with a paid male escort, justice was served.

Similarly, Sen. Larry Craig’s dalliances in the restroom at the Minneapolis airport were entirely appropriate as newsworthy.  After all, Sen. Craig was an vocal cheerleader of the “family values” crowd and to learn of secretive overtures for sex revealed him to be unworthy of spearheading the morality movement.

But Greg isn’t an elected official.  To my knowledge, he’s never spoken out on issues of so-called morality.  Yet even so, Greg’s personal philosophy is well known and a matter of public record.  He’s a professed Libertarian, which means he’s generally in favor of decriminalizing “crimes” such as prostitution, drugs, and gambling.  So, not only is Greg most definitely not a hypocrite, he’s entirely consistent with his personal belief system.

Of course, none of this reduces the very real pain that’s presumably taking place right now within the Raymer household.  As to this point, shouldn’t this be a private matter between Greg and his wife?  Who among us has the right — or credibility — to speak out and speculate about what’s going on right now within the Raymer family?  Me?  No.  You?  No.  And certainly not the ass clowns who post ceaseless mean-spirited comments at various poker forums.  Hiding behind an anonymous screen name while pontificating about the Raymer’s marital troubles is about as low as it gets.  These cowards don’t deserve any attention.  What they do deserve is my fist fist jammed down their fucking larynx.

Clearly, this is an incident that should never have involved law enforcement in any capacity.  It should never have been reported by media, although I’m certainly not naive enough to expect in this day and age of TMZ “journalism” such an escapade would ever be ignored.  And finally, it shouldn’t be the titillating source of amusement for anyone.

And yet, all I have seen the past few days are countless people — even some people I know and respect —  posting and re-posting Greg’s mugshot to Facebook.  For what purpose?  Does reporting on the embarrassing details of someone’s sex life make you feel better?  Does it enable you to point a finger and identify Greg as “the bad guy?”

No.  It makes you look fucking pathetic.

Surely, these same standards apply to me as I now write this column — which brings me back to admittedly feeling dirty for writing it.  But if I’m to be excused for my excesses, it’s because my intent is quite clear.  It’s not to shock or disgust my readers nor is it to entertain any of you, because frankly I am neither shocked nor disgusted by Greg and what he’s allegedly done.  I am quite frankly ambivalent on this point.  Frankly, I don’t fucking care — except as to how this may hurt my friend.  However, what I do care about is the phoney self-righteousness among many of you and social media rubberneckers who by their actions no longer belong in respected social circles but rather seem more suited to sit in the studio audience of The Jerry Spring Show.  Let’s call you out for what you really are — a lynch mob.

Indeed, this incident doesn’t teach us about the man Greg Raymer is.  To those of us fortunate to know know him well, we already know.

Rather, this incident teaches us about the shallow, pathetic hypocrites so many others are.


  1. Very well written. I totally agree…

  2. Well said Nolan!!

  3. so so true. This whole thing is ridiculous. I couldnt even believe something like this is a news story in some countries

  4. it was good seeing you in AC…I find on this we agree

  5. I agree with all of the above….. Why people care what well known people do on their own time has always puzzled me. I guess their own life is too boring.

  6. There’s nothing worse than getting caught in a ‘human’ moment- maybe its hollering and losing your cool, maybe its inquiring about a call girl, maybe it’s drinking a few too many beers and running you mouth- and watching as the people around you once trusted and beloved melt into the peanut gallery to mock you.

    Magnify this many, many times over when the person is a public figure as Greg definitely is in our community.

    What you did here, rising to speak your piece in his defense and reaffirm your friendship, is worth more than you’ll ever know.

    I don’t know you, I don’t know Greg but as someone who had a pretty bad ‘public human moment’ once before in my life, those who stand by you are worth more than gold.

    This too will blow over, in time, Greg will be able to chuckle about it. Right now, there’s no doubt it weighs heavy on him. Bravo on you for standing beside him and helping to shoulder the load.

  7. Fantastic! I am going to link to this from my blog (if you do not mind). I couldn’t possibly articulate this any better than you – it’s such a shame that people feel entitled to have a say in what others do behind their 4 walls. As long as an adult isn’t negatively affecting the life of a human or domestic animal, he/she should be allowed to do whatever he/she pleases (drugs, sex, etc). After all, we are splitting hairs calling it “porn” if a camera is present but prostitution if not, or determining pot is illegal but alcohol and paint thinner and bath salts are not.

    Thanks again for being so logical.

  8. The other side of it – Prostitution rings often keep girls against their will. They dive in human trafficking and organised crime. If they discourage the market, the criminals will be less profitable (in theory – though maybe not in practice).

    When a “high profile” person get’s arrested it’s newsworthy. Judging by the amount of people who reacted and how quickly it spread – it was newsworthy. It can be debated that it was gossipy, dirty, and no ones business – but this is how news works in the tabloid world we live in.

    I don’t condemn the guy, but I don’t agree it’s not news and it’s a waste of law enforcement’s time…

  9. Ken, I understand your point. However, according to the report the police placed an advert to trap and punish the clients. If they concerned about the workers and their “employers” they would be targeting the people who placed the adds…not placing their own add.

    In Australia they generally charge the operators of illegal establishments and let the clients walk.

  10. fully agree,
    in my country it is forbidden by law too, but not pursued at all, so hypocrit.
    anyway, if you want to loose money, go to a whore, if you want toloose life, go to the neighbor.

  11. Nolan,

    You shouldn’t have to “defend” Greg (who I also know) for an agreement between two consenting adults.

    The fact that we waste time and resources on these “stings” when most of the perpetrators of the great financial fraud (B of A, Countrywide etc) walk around free is further evidence of the decline of our nation.

    Most people have some secret or peccadillo of their own. Usually those protesting others’ personal business are the worst offenders. Preachers. congressmen, senators having affairs, drugs, homosexual lovers etc. Personally I feel the same way that what two consenting adults do is none of my business but people who live in glass houses certainly shouldn’t throw stones!

  12. Ha! Now there’s some perspective. Great stew of comments too. You know how to make sausage Nolan, and I for one love to watch you make it.

  13. I totally agree it’s no ones..FN business what 2 consenting adults do in private… Its an issue between Gregg and his wife not for public disclosure and ridicule. Nice article well written..picked it up off Scottys blog..

  14. Agreed with the article.
    My support goes out to Greg Raymer , his wife and family.

  15. “Hiding behind an anonymous screen name while pontificating about the Raymer’s marital troubles is about as low as it gets. ”

    As low as wife beating?

    ….child necrophilia?

    … genocide?

    How about?

    “Calm down!”

    • Child Necrophilia?

      Huh? Having sex with dead kids?
      Who even dreams that up? I wasn’t aware that was an overtly pressing concern in our world.

  16. Dude. Nolan. Awesome. You mix the amazing ability to articulate like a person with an IQ (rare in the poker world) over that of a cuccumber…yet use the ‘in the gutter’ verbiage to display your passion, while driving home (like a pile-driven virgin) the point with a sledge-hammer.

    After dealing with my own ‘joke’ of a ‘sex scandal’ at Horseshoe Hammond last fall, and all of the bullshit that resulted from it, including a day spend ‘defending’ myself, my reputation, my character and my marriage…I know only too well the shitstorm that ensues as a result of ‘scandals’ (he says with gritting teeth and bug eyes!) such as Raymer’s.

    And like you….but not quite with as much vigor, I spent the days after this occurred brow beating these same shitstains who felt compelled to post Greg’s photo on their Facebook and clowning on him. As you suggest…these fuckers have zero credible contribution to this planet as human beings. Strapping their asses to a missile and firing them into the atmosphere to an altitude where they both freeze and run out of oxygen would be the most pleasant way to see these cock-blasters die.

    Haters: those lacking any reason to celebrate their own success in anything whatsoever, so take to a concerted campaign to bring down those around them who are.

    I don’t know Greg as well as you do. We have a cordial relationship…and his mother worked with my Mom at Eddie Bauer in Seattle for many years together. I know he is a good guy, and a good ambassador for the game (whatever THAT is good for these days). No one, even a douchey player…deserves the shit he’s been dragged through over this.

    And lovely, wasn’t it? How the jerkoff Police clowns in NC originally reported that they had busted a ‘gay’ prostitution ring…and had everyone laughing that Raymer was gay….but OH! Wait! They corrected the police report the following day to remove the ‘male prostitution’ label from the case. Whoa…but, uh…did they issue a statement to the media letting them know? Naw! Fuck it…character assassination accomplished. What’s the guy gonna do? Sue us?

    Okay…comment finished. Great article sir. You are the nuts!


  17. I all the time emailed this webpage post page to all my associates, as if like to read it
    next my links will too.

  18. Thanks for another magnificent post. The place else could anybody get that kind of information
    in such an ideal manner of writing? I have a presentation
    subsequent week, and I’m on the search for such info.


  1. Sex Scandal? How About A ‘Go Pound Salt’ Scandal. | logical thinking in an illogical world - [...] do sex scandals really teach us? Check out this awesome post on for the best take I’ve ever read.…

Post a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *