No Kardashians Allowed!
ALERT! Be advised the following items, consumer products, programs, and personalities are NOT permitted at the Dalla residence. Any guest who shows up with any of these items will be denied entry. For further explanations, see “footnotes” below:
1. Merlot (wine)
2. Light beer (of any kind)
3. Any broadcast, likeness, or product endorsed by ANY one of the following — Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Simpson, or any member of the Kardashian family
4. Margarine
5. Any product manufactured or branded by Dell Computers
6. Any item connected in any way (hats, t-shirts, bags, etc.) to either Full Tilt Poker or Ultimate Bet.
7. Soft drinks of any kind (Coke, Pepsi, etc.)
8. BMWs
9. Anything written or published by Washington Post columnist Charles Krauthammer
10. Infants
Keep Out!
11. Green peas
12. Lebron James
13. Any Nike Products (see #12)
14. “Lite” food products of any kind
15. Artificial sweeteners
16. White sugar
17. Cowboy hats and western wear
18. Anything branded by the New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox
19. Italian wines
20. Anything associated with the New England Patriots
Banned!
21. Hummers
22. Polyester
23. White shoes of any kind (includes tennis shoes)
24. High-fructose corn syrup
25. FOX News
26. Anything associated in any way with Donald Trump or Sheldon Adelson
27. Tony Kornheiser from ESPN
28. Lottery tickets
29. Anything purchased at a Wal-Mart
30. Special Note: I’ll leave this one open for readers. Give me a few things you boycott in the “comments” section.
This item is not permitted in my home.
FOOTNOTES:
[1] — Who in the fuck drinks Merlot wine when thousands of mind-blowing Cabernets, Pinots, and Zinfandels are available for under $15? Seriously!
[2] — What’s the point of drinking “light” beer? You might as well buy regular beer, dump a third of it down the drain, and re-fill it with fucking tap water. Kind of like paying for a 12-ounce steak and then being thrilled if they bring you an 8-ouncer. Ludicrous!
[3] — Once upon a time, celebrities had “talent.” Or they were famous for a reason. No more. It’s like everyone who’s famous has turned into a reincarnation of Charles Nelson Reilly.
[4] — Margarine is basically the same thing as eating plastic. Here are the ingredients in a typical serving of margarine. Moreover, read how this garbage is made (take the time to read if you want to get grossed out):
Source: www.stoptransfat.com
veggie-oil blend
water
whey (milk)
salt
veggie mono & diglycerides
soy lecithin
citric acid
artificial flavors
vitamin A
beta carotene (for color)
How It’s Made:
Margarine makers start with cheap. poor quality vegetable oils, such as corn, cottonseed, soybeans, safflower seeds, and canola.
These oils have already turned rancid from being extracted from oil seeds using high temperature and high pressure. Rancid oils are loaded with free radicals that react easily with other molecules, causing cell damage, premature aging, and a host of other problems.
The last bit of oil is removed with hexane, a solvent known to cause cancer. Although this hexane subsequently removed, traces of it are inevitably left behind.
Moreover, some of these oils are not suitable for human consumption, to begin with.
Cottonseed oil, one of the most popular margarine ingredients, has natural toxins and unrefined cottonseed oil is used as a pesticide. The toxin, gossypol, is removed during refining.
Cottonseed oil also contains far too many Omega-6 fatty acids in relation to Omega 3. While both Omega 6 and Omega 3 are essential fatty acids, an imbalance between the two is widely believed to cause various health problems, including heart disease.
Most experts on the subject believe that a healthy ratio of omega 3 to omega 6 is between 1:1 and 1:2. Cottonseed oil, however, has over 50 percent omega 6 and only trace amounts of Omega 3, giving a ratio of 1: several hundred or more.
As cotton is one of the most heavily sprayed crops, there are also concerns that cottonseed oil may be highly contaminated with pesticide residues. However, insufficient testing has been done.
Canola oil, which is widely touted as the healthiest oil of all, has problems as well. Consumption of Canola has been linked with vitamin E deficiency as well as growth retardation. For this reason, Canola oil is not allowed to be used in the manufacture of infant formula.
The oils used for making margarine are also among the Big Four genetically modified crops – soy, corn, rapeseed / Canola, and cotton.
The raw oils for making margarine are steam cleaned. This destroys all the vitamins and antioxidants.
However, the residues of pesticides and solvents – that is, hexane – remain.
The oils are mixed with finely ground nickel, a highly toxic substance that serves as a catalyst for the chemical reaction during the hydrogenation process.
Other catalysts may be used, but these, too, are highly toxic.
The oils are then put under high temperature and pressure in a reactor.
Hydrogen gas is introduced. The high temperature and pressure, together with the presence of nickel catalyst, cause hydrogen atoms to be forced into the oil molecules.
If the oil is partially hydrogenated, it turns from liquid into semi-solid.
Trans fats are formed during partial hydrogenation. These are fat molecules that have been twisted out of shape. In liquid oils, the molecules are bent, with the hydrogen atoms on opposite sides of each other.
During partial hydrogenation, the molecules are somewhat straightened and now all the hydrogen molecules are on the same side.
If the oil is fully hydrogenated, it turns into a hard solid that cannot be eaten. It no longer contains trans fats because the “out of shape” oil molecules have all been broken up to form straight chains. But this does not mean they have become healthy again because of all the unnatural steps above.
What comes out of the partial hydrogenation process is smelly, lumpy, grey grease.
To remove the lumps, emulsifiers – which are like soaps – are mixed in.
The oil is steam cleaned (again!) to remove the odor of chemicals. This step is called deodorization and it again involves high temperature and high pressure.
The oil is then bleached to get rid of the grey color.
Synthetic vitamins and artificial flavors are mixed in.
Natural yellow color is added to margarine, as synthetic coloring is not allowed!
In fact, early last century, all coloring was not allowed and margarine was white. This was to protect consumers so that they do not get butter and margarine mixed up.
Finally, margarine is promoted to the public as a health food – with the full endorsement of many scientists, doctors, nutritionists, and health authorities.
[5] — Dell Computers is one of the high-tech industry’s leading supporters of and contributors to conservative political candidates and organizations. Moreover, this company has a strict policy against any cross-branding with casino/poker companies or services (which will be the subject of an upcoming rant, by the way).
[6] — Full Tilt Poker is a toxic brand that has done immeasurable damage to the poker industry and its players. Ultimate Bet is/was even worse — engaging in outright fraud and thievery from its players. Anyone who had anything to do with either of these companies (at the very least) owes the public an apology.
[7] — An occasional soft drink might not be harmful. But how can anyone drink soda after soda all the time? Consider the chemicals and sugars you are pouring into your body. There’s not one nutritional element in these poisons. Avoid them! There are plenty of better alternatives.
[8] — After spending hundreds of hours running/exercising on Las Vegas streets and seeing which drivers are the rudest, I have a new name for the BMW — the “prickmobile.”
[9] — This editorialist is evil. He is a horrible and dangerous man. Read his columns if you don’t believe me (on second thought, DON’T read his columns!).
[10] — Once the baby is out of its diaper and can speak, they are welcome to cross my threshold (If accompanied by a guardian). Otherwise, they are basically like untrained puppies and kittens. They do not belong in the house.
[11] — When I was a kid, my mother made me sit at a table and eat green peas, which I hated! One time, I think I sat there for two hours in protest. I even got the “starving children” speech. Now, the thought of them makes me barf.
[12] — This is the evilest athlete in the history of the world.
[13] — $300 for a pair of basketball shoes? FUCK YOU!
[14] — Anything marked “lite” is crap. You may be reducing calories but the tradeoff is you’re filling your body with artificial ingredients and chemicals. Plus, all this stuff tastes like shit!
[15] — I am baffled why anyone would use artificial sweeteners. Haven’t some of these been known to cause cancer?
[16] — White sugar should be banned. It’s probably the most dangerous substance in the world in terms of the health problems associated with a massive intake of sugar. If you add up all the heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and so forth I suspect white sugar kills more people than cocaine.
[17] — Correction: Cowboy hats and western belt buckles are permitted inside my home — if it’s part of a Halloween costume.
[18] — When will ESPN finally realize that the rest of the country really doesn’t give a shit what happens in New York or Boston?
[19] — Italy is known for its exquisite art and refined tastes. Sports cars, fashion, food, fine art, music — Italy is primo! But when it comes to producing wine, I’ll pass. Every time I try an Italian wine — the tannins are so overwhelming — it’s like I end up with a mouthful of chalk.
[20] — The New England Patriots are 1-5 against the spread in Super Bowls! They’re 1-4 against the spread in the Belichick era. Wanna’ know something, people? GOOD teams win, but GREAT teams cover. I suffered my single biggest loss ever betting on the New England Patriots — $39,000 lost on Super Bowl XLII (by the way I had bet the AFC -3, -3.5, -4, -4.5, -5, and all those moneylines for the max — about $3,000 each — during the middle of the season. The rest of the world was laying -12, and I was laying no more than -6, and much less on most bets. I hedged off some, or else I would have lost more).
[21] — Who in the fuck needs to drive a Hummer unless you are a special operations unit in Afghanistan?
[22] — Cotton is king. Wool suits. Leather shoes. Silk ties (on sale). Polyester clothes are kind of like the margarine of fashion.
[23] — Who in the fuck buys white shoes? I mean, seriously! You buy white shoes, knowing that just about everything you step on is filthy. You walk across black asphalt, over dirt and mud, onto wet streets, and across grass fields. Wearing white! After you wear white shoes three times, they’re all scuffed up and stained and look like shit. I will never wear a pair of white shoes! Never!
[24] — No matter what product I see in a store, if it says “high-fructose corn syrup” on the label, it goes back on the shelf (it should go in the garbage can). Poison.
[25] — Anyone surprised at this one? Fox News is about as “fair and balanced” (its news slogan) as I am.
[26] — Read more about Donald Trump and Sheldon Adelson HERE
[27] — The worst announcer in the history of Monday Night Football and currrenlty the little worm on “Pardon the Interruption”……he’s utterly incapable of an intelligent thought.
[28] — Why are lotteries permitted? Seriously? Some people bash casinos and poker where the hold is perhaps 2-10 percent. State lotteries hold like 50 percent of the loot. These are nothing less than state-run criminal enterprises. They should be stamped out immediately.
[29] — Wal-Mart — the creator of millions of shitty $8 an hour jobs, the union-busting, discriminatory company (against minorities and women) that forces virtually all of its suppliers to move their manufacturing to China, the corporate giant that kills towns and small businesses, the multi-billion dollar enterprise that denies health coverage to its employees, and the company that’s owned by some of the richest people in the world. Yes, *that* Wal-Mart.
[30] — I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few things. Perhaps a few readers will share their own boycotts.