President Obama has failed again.
Born in Kenya to radicalized parents, Barack Obama was cultivated as the perfect sleeper cell for Muslim extremism. Sent clandestinely by hard-line Islamic conspirators to Hawaii, and then Chicago, his orders were to infiltrate the democratic system, fool the populace, get elected to high office, and implement policies that would ultimately destroy America. Given the expectations, President Obama has been a failure of historic proportions.
Since President Obama assumed office seven years ago in a rigged national election tainted by voter fraud — a global financial meltdown was averted, unemployment has been cut nearly in half, the stock market rocketed up 192 percent, 32 million Americans enjoyed health coverage for the first time, gas prices fell by 35 percent, inflation is non-existent, the U.S. automotive industry was saved, and Democrats appear to be all but assured of controlling the executive branch for at least another four-year term. None of this was supposed to happen. President Obama can’t seem to do anything right.
Even President Obama’s secret “War on Christmas” has proven disastrous. This month, the Muslim-in-Chief hosted no less than two-dozen Christmas-themed events and celebrations in and around Washington. Violating the strict dictates of political correctness, he also uttered the offensive words “Merry Christmas” to reporters gathered inside the White House, his final parting words during the last scheduled press briefing of the year. He’s also hosted similar Jewish-themed events related to the celebration of Hanukkah. The Muslim Brotherhood and other elements of Islamic extremism were outraged by these acts of treason.
“What the fuck is he doing?” screamed Yamir Al-Aswari, public relations director and social media analyst for ISIS. “We invested a shitload of money setting up Barack Hussein Obama — and he’s done nothing to tear down America! He’s making them better! I’m beginning to think he’s crossed over to the infidels!”
Fortunately for President Obama, millions of American super-patriots continue to protect his cover, dispelling somewhat the growing suspicions of his handlers abroad. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, half of all Republicans still remain convinced he’s a devoted Muslim who’s sympathetic to Islamic extremism. No matter how much the national economy continues to churn ahead and how significantly better off most of the country is since he took office in 2009, most rank and file Republicans remain utterly convinced of President Obama’s illegitimacy. Even though he regularly attends Christian services, champions equal rights for women, supports gays, favors legalized abortion, and has never once been caught reciting verses from the Koran or kneeling in a prayer rug, President Obama’s secret identity as a Muslim remains safe with Republicans.
According to reports, President Obama is next headed off to yet another “family vacation” (the cover story) while the undercover plot to destroy Western civilization continues. Later today, he’s traveling to his birthplace in Kenya Hawaii where he’s scheduled to celebrate the start of Ramadan privately with co-conspirators and fellow Jihadists still hoping to destroy America and enslave Christians.
“It appears 2016 will be Barack Hussein’s last chance to destroy America,” said Yamir Al-Aswari, visibly agitated and sweating profusely. “I sure hope he starts ruining the country soon. Because if he doesn’t, there’s going to be hell to pay. If the President turns out to be a traitor, they’re going to cut my head off!”
President Obama was unavailable for comment. However, once aboard Air Force One, the unabashed member of the Islamic faith reportedly drank two beers, devoured a platter of pork chops, and then excused himself to the lavatory where he broke federal law and secretly smoked a cigarette.
