NETFLIX REVIEW SHORTS (2024)
Note: Very long post–I wrote this New Years Day morning while watching football.
Really? There’s a “trailer” for the fireplace loop? What does this trailer show….the highlights?
Here are some popular Netflix (and a few Prime) shows I watched during this past year–along with a short review:
Unabomber In His Own Words —- I stayed with this sick dreck for only about 20 minutes and then couldn’t take it anymore. It purported to be “the only live interview that Ted Kaczynski had ever granted.” Call my vulnerability little more than a morbid curiousity. These shows are problematic as I fear some viewers may hear the words of an intelligent, though demented man, and find themselves in agreement with many of his frustrations about a society fast-forwarding itself towards self-destruction. However, elevating murderers into celebrities is worrisome and potentially catastrophic. But hey, since I tuned in to watch, I’m guilty of rubbernecking as well. Grade: D
The Graham Norton Show Best Bits — This is a weekly highlight real of the best moments of a popular British talk show, usually with 3-4 top celebrities sitting together telling stories and talking about current events. It’s everything “Real Time with Bill Maher” or any of the late-night talk shows should be (but often painfully, is not)….A-listers, appearing naturally and interacting ad lib, ringmastered by a genuinely funny, charismatic host (Norton). Check out the list of guests on his show at once, which is sometimes remarkable (one recent show included Josh Brolin, Cher, Keira Knightly, and Michael Fassbender -any show with just ONE of those guests would be pretty good but to see them all together speaks volumes as to the reverence for the platform). Each weekly edited-down episode lasts only 10-12 minutes, so it’s a really more of an “entertainment sports center” highlight reel. Grade: A
Fireplace For Your Home (Crackling Birchwood Fireplace) —- Does anyone else put this faux fireplace on their living room big screen? I do. No smoke. No logs to light. No fire pit to clean. The fireplace gimmick ranked #1 on Christmas Day. Yeah, all the image shows is logs burning interrupted by the occasional POP sound. I also found myself curious to see if the fire image is on a loop (it’s not). I used loved the one that ran for many years on DIrect TV with the cuddly dogs and cats running around the fireplace, but that version was so good I actually watched it (who can ignore cute puppies and kittens playing in front of a cozy fireplace?). This Netflix version is very straightforward–no frills. Just fire and popping. Hell, this is lots more entertaining than much of the other junk on TV. Grade: Really, I’m supposed to grade this?
Torching 2024: A Roast of the Year —- I’m a huge fan of comedian Jeff Ross, a.k.a. “The Roastmaster General.” He’s the best at delivering very edgy, and sometimes over-the-line humor. Unfortunately, this was far from his best work. The guest comedians drag the show down even further. Some of this is really lame and unfunny. I know on a personal note that Ross is finishing up chemo (cancer) and as I said I’m a big fan. I’ll cut him some slack for this misfire. The year 2024 was a shit show in so many ways, but this roast predicated upon many political events and entertainment news falls way short of expectations. Grade: C-
Carry On —- Purports to be a modern version of the classic movie, “Die Hard,” which is a merry holiday season ruined by evil terrorists. But there’s no stylishly decadent Hans Grubers or supercool John McClanes here. There aren’t even any funny Argyles, or Sgt. Powells, or Ellis’, or asshole FBI agents. It’s a dreadfully dull cast which is all too bad because the premise of blackmailing a TSA agent at an airport and allowing a bomb through the luggage scanner seems scary and realistic. Just imagine if they cut everyone interesting out of the cast and made a “Die Hard 9” — this is the wreck of a result. Grade: D
Dirty Pop: The Boy Band Scam —- Watched this late one night purely out of boredom, which is a documentary about Lou Pearlman, the infamous (now convicted and deceased) boy band manager and pervert. Made it about halfway through before shutting it off. I hate boy bands, so I was kinda’ rooting for Pearlman, even though he was such a scumbag. Bunch of pretty boy non instrument playing shits with 1/10th the talent of casino lounge backup singers. Hey pretty boys, Lou’s ready for his late night massage. American K-Pop garbage so ripe for musical prostitution. Nail the target, Lou! Grade: C
The Menendez Brothers —- Speaking of hating boy bands, perversion, and scumbags, this is the mini-series about the infamous Menendez Brothers’ case. This will sound strange, but I knew almost nothing about this crime story (I was living outside of the US when the murders and trial happened), so it was all new to me. The performances were all first-rate, but the subject matter was so vile I felt as though I needed a shower and a can of Comet afterward. The documentary claims to be fact-based, but after reading some accompanying media content, it’s hard to determine how much is exaggerated or even fabricated. What’s most disturbing is — this Netflix documentary has apparently created enough public sentiment to re-open the case, and possibly commute the life-sentences of these spoiled rich-kid murderous fucks. Fuck ’em both. Let them rot. Grade: B
The Manhattan Alien Abduction —- Shame. I know. You’re probably thinking what I’m thinking. Why would I do this/watch this? Are we really to believe space aliens from a faraway galaxy secretly landed in modern-day NYC in midtown Manhattan and somehow abducted some of the people living on Park Avenue? This “documentary” treats the subject matter like a legitimate question and gives a number of these lunatics a platform to spew conspiracies. All I want to know is–would aliens really travel 85,000,000,000 light years to the earth in order to land in New York City, pluck a helpless woman from her bedroom at 4 am, all for the purpose of performing an anal probe on poor Ms. Goldstein? Grade: F
The Lincoln Lawyer —- This Netflix series just ended Season 2. It’s much better than expected. In fact, the second season surpasses the first. A Hispanic LA lawyer is a throwback to the great 70’s-era TV detective shows, constantly getting into trouble, fighting with the law and his superiors, while trying to make the streets safe and make a great living driving a classic Lincoln Continental convertible (hence, the name of the show). Think of a much cooler, better-looking Perry Mason except there’s no last-minute breakdowns on the witness stand who confess to murder when under intense cross examination. The Lincoln Lawyer works because of excellent multiple storylines and terrific casting, mostly quirky villains and sidemen. This series ended with a great cliffhanger. I look forward to Season 3, coming in 2025. Grade: A
Martha —- Does overexposed Martha Stewart really need three parts and multiple hours to tell her life story? Umm–yes, she does! I was surprised how interesting, honest, and revealing this was which gave me a much deeper appreciation for Stewart. I know she has her critics, and some of the disdain is warranted, but I find myself admiring so much of what she’s done. If nothing else, this part-confessional autobiographical documentary (she tells her own story) is filled with many revelations and lessons (of business, celebrity, and life). Grade: B+
Black Doves —- Previously reviewed HERE. There’s a lot to love about Black Doves. There’s also considerable chaos and confusion. To enjoy, we must suspend all sense of reality. This sort of thing could never happen in real life. Think of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels crossed with The Gentlemen melded with Kingsmen and frosted with Zero Dark Thirty. Rarely does a spy-caper provide so much style. Death monologues become poetry. Killing is art. I loved most of it. I hated parts of it. Grade: B
American Murder: Laci Peterson —- Much like the Menendez Brothers’ case and the mass industry of legal consumption afterward, as though murder becomes as marketable as pop tarts and beer, I never knew much about the actual murder and trial when it happened. What I found most interesting in this three-part series was how various (and competing) law enforcement are sometimes grossly incompetent, yet other times heroic when it comes to solving crimes. This documentary does a really good job providing a thorough overview of the chronology of a terrible and senseless murder, providing just enough uncertainty at various stages of the story to keep us doubting and speculating throughout, but then bringing down the hammer of truth in the final act. Grade: B+
La Palma —- I watched the Netflix trailer, which was excellent. It shows a Nordic vacationing couple receiving a frantic phone call while lounging at the pool of a Canary Islands resort and the mytserious caller says, “you have 20 minutes to get off the island, which is about to be destroyed by an erupting volcano and a tsunami tidal wave. Get moving!” I was hooked. So, I clicked and watched. About 45 minute later, I was cheering for the volcano and begging for the tsunami. Please, spew your shit, Volcy! The scene of the couple in a small motorboat desperately trying to outrun the 300-foot tidal wave as it’s approaching the island is hysterical. I won’t spoilt it for you, if you make it three hours into this dreck. This show is so bad, it’s actually pretty good. Think of a terribly bad “Independence Day” with sunburned Norweigians as the heroes. Grade: A/C/F (grade depending on how much liquor-drugs are in your system, sort of a “Yellow Submarine” movie experience). Grade: D+
Aaron Rodgers: Enigma —- I’m sure when the sappy suckers who actually thought the dreadfully boring, outside-of-football unintelligent, thoroughly uncharismatic, conspiracy swallowing anti-vaxer Aaron Rodgers would make the subject of an intriguing Michael Jordan-like documentary, they hoped that the 2024 NFL season would be a glooooooooooorious career comeback. Imagine the possibilities when this project was pitched. Pzzzzzzzzzt. Cue the sound of a record needle scratching. Hey, Aaron. You’re no Martha. You’re not even a Menendez Brother. Now, golden boy’s hapless Jets are 4-12 and haven’t won a meaningful game since Mayor Eric Adams was clean and Will Ferrell was funny. Sports documentaries, when done right, appeal to NON sports fans. Think of so many 30 for 30 ESPN docs. Think of The Last Dance, or Hoop Dreams, or Ken Burns’ Baseball. Imagine doing a doc on the dullest person you know, and then handing that person the microphone for two hours at a wedding. This is what watching “Enigma” is like. Grade: D-
The Diplomat —- I hated this series. Absolutely loathed it. I watched Season 1, Episode 1, and found myself screaming at the TV more than a losing bet on a ball game. No! An ambassador would never be allowed to do that! No! A diplomat would never say that! Quick–think of how many career diplomats get caught up in scandal—-the answer is almost none (speaking to the merits of the service, and I was part of that service for a too-short a time). It’s such a shame to see otherwise excellent actors, a top-notch production, and so much potential get destroyed by a writer-director who has no fucking clue what actual diplomacy and embassy life is like. Rant paused. Coming up for oxygen. I tried to watch Season 2, Episode 1, and had the exact same reaction. I HATE this fucking series. Grade: F
The Gentlemen —- Previously reviewed HERE. This is the best Netflix show I watched in 2024. Brilliant and funny and well done on every level. Can’t wait for 2025 and a new season (we hope). Grade: A+
Now, some shows on PRIME:
Slow Horses —- Kind of a glorious mess. Hard to follow along at times, but snappy dialogue and great characters — led by Gary Oldman (maybe the best actor on the planet right now), Kristen Scott Thomas (man crush here), Jonathan Pryne (no man crush, but he’s stellar in everything he does), and many others. Series about a group of British intelligence service misfits, who are outcast to a career dead end sector, yet they make their own cases and somehow manage to end up saving England from catastrophe. Oh, and Mick Jagger does the theme song. I still can’t decide what grade to give this unusual series, but the fact I watched it through four seasons (shocker…wife loves it more than me–we just ended the latest episode this week) and would definitely tune into Season 5 speaks volumes (I rarely watch anything to this extent, unless its on the level of Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul). Grade: B
Leverage (Redemption) —- This was a terrific alt. Mission Impossible-like caper series which began a decade ago. I loved the initial seasons, with great characters, stories, and turns and twists (I even once met Danny Blue in a London casino–true story). Then, just before this season was to debut, lead actor Timothy Hutton was entangled in a personal scandal and the series lost the main character. This killed the show, in my opinion. The latest Prime episodes try to emulate the rollicking fun and snarky wit of earlier seasons and even moved the set from London to New Orleans. It fails. sorta’ like finding a discounted rental car rate and then taking the airport shittle bus to the assigned space and seeing a grey two-door Hyundai parked there. You’re caught murmuring to yourself–damn, do I really have to drive this shit box for the next seven days? Grade: C-
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I’m stopping here. I’ll make another list of Prime shows, some of which many readers may not know. I wrote this during the first half of a football game, so I’m cutting it short here. Yeah, “short” here.
Does anyone like these short reviews? I’ll do more if there’s interest.
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