At times fascinating as an overflowing toilet, at other times utterly cringe-worthy, and often intimately revealing as to the true character of each of the candidates.
Assuming Jesus doesn’t have plans to return to earth anytime soon and isn’t the 2016 Republican nominee (one senses a draft movement may be brewing), a year from now, one of his hand-chosen apostles will stand before a single podium, within the very same frenzied sports arena in Cleveland known as the Quicken Loans Center (oh, the irony) where last night’s first debate took place, hoping to accept his (or considerably less likely, her) party’s nomination to ultimately get slaughtered by the next President of the United States in the general election.
Thursday evening’s first of eight planned presidential debates carried live by FOX News was reportedly watched by 24 million people, begging the first question, namely — what were the other 235 million people in this country watching, instead? At times fascinating as an overflowing toilet, at other times utterly cringe-worthy, and often intimately revealing as to the true character of each of the candidates — the debate wasn’t so much a serious squabble over critical issues as a sold-out ship of fools sailing off into the abyss of the collective incredulous Republican mind, all willingly standing on deck preparing to walk ten gang planks pointing straight out of the political mainstream.
Want proof?
Guess how many times “climate change” was mentioned last night during either of two debates? Answer — none.
Guess how many times “income disparity” was brought up by any candidate in either debate? Answer — none.
Guess how many times the crushing load of “student debt” was addressed by anyone on either stage? You’ve probably figured this out by now. Answer– Not once. [See footnote below]
Guess how many times “Citizens United” got a mention, the ruling which ushered in the grotesque system of campaign finance allowing corporations and special interest groups to essentially induct our elected public officials. Answer — if you guessed none, you win again.
It was as though the environment, a dangerously widening income gap, college loan scams, the buying and selling of politicians, and a host of other critical issues don’t even exist. Apparently, Republicanville has other priorities.
All the candidates — every single one of them — did manage to fume against their favorite scapegoats. At the center of the G.O.P. dartboard were those despicable Latin-American immigrants who are supposedly taking away all of our good-paying jobs– such as picking crops, landscaping, auto repair, and dishwashing — you know, the sweaty low-paying jobs native-born Americans are standing in line to get but turned away for because the illegals got there first. Indeed, once immigration was brought up, it went from a debate to a pile on.
The rest of the night, while wickedly entertaining at times, wasn’t much better. Here’s my (abbreviated) take on things:
BIGGEST LOSER: DONALD TRUMP
Given the opportunity to swat away Donald Trump like the annoying housefly he is for his crudely insensitive remarks made a few weeks ago about undocumented workers (who are allegedly “sent over the border by the Mexican Government,” according to Trump’s unnamed “sources”), not a single one of the cowardly crew had enough cajones to challenge those ugly remarks and call him out as a buffoon. They didn’t just go along. They joined in the goosestep, which will apparently march off a cliff come next November when it comes to attracting more Latino voters, of course, unless perhaps Marco Rubio gets nominated.
While we’re on the subject of Trump, another bedazzling moment last night came about midway through when the faux-billionaire bully was asked about his long pattern of mean-spirited, misogynistic remarks degrading women, all a matter of record. Trump could have explained things away easily by saying he’s a television personality, who’s admittedly bombastic at times, and then apologized if he’d offended what amounts to 52 percent of the American electorate. That would have been the wise thing to do. Instead, Trump turned this potentially catastrophic question into a punch line, which might have worked and been forgotten had his inner demons not crawled out from his dark side in the next remark when he openly mocked the female moderator, Megyn Kelly. Nice job, Donald. Way to challenge the allegation that you’re a misogynistic bully. Going after the only woman on the panel should do you wonders. Prick.
Then there was Trump the evader, perpetually devoid of any substance on all fronts, failing to answer simple questions about his multiple failings and financial disasters. When confronted with the fact he’d previously given money to Hillary Clinton’s campaign (gasp!), Trump was asked point-blank “what he expected in return.” Trump, running away from yet another potential bombshell as a cat dropped on a sheet of tin foil, murmured something about Mrs. Clinton later attending his wedding. So much for substance. So much for Trump, the self-proclaimed farce who promises “to tell you the truth.”
What Republicans should be saying to Trump after this debacle is, “you’re fired.”
A RUBIO-KASICH G.O.P. TICKET IN 2016?
From what I can tell, the only legitimate Republicans on either stage with a real shot at the nomination are (in no particular order) — Gov. John Kasich, Sen. Marco Rubio, Gov. Jeb Bush, and Gov. Scott Walker — although both Bush and Walker put up disappointing performances that should worry their supporters.
Bush, surprisingly lackluster as a candidate so far, and carrying what appears to be a toxic last name with many voters continues to regress in the presidential race. He’s in danger of turning into the next John Connolly, who spent $15 million back in 1980 and got exactly one convention delegate. Meanwhile, Kasich and Rubio would be about a strong a ticket as the G.O.P. could muster right now, for no other reason than they could bring critical states Ohio and Florida back into the win column for Republicans in 2016. They also appear to be somewhat sane. That helps. Not in the Republican primaries, mind you. I mean, sanity helps in the general election. But there are no guarantees, as we witnessed in 2000 and 2004.
MIKE HUCK-A-BYE
The same can’t be said in a political sense for poor Mike Huckabee, who might be elected if the office up for grabs was president….of the Southern Baptist Convention. Unfortunately, the former governor is about as appealing to the mainstream as a Pat Robertson sermon.
Huckabee enjoyed a nice run the last eight years or so, morphing from everyone’s favorite evangelical candidate into a bona fide late-night talk show host, and now what’s a significant conservative voice that many people seem to like and listen to. However, Huckabee’s answers last night to questions about abortion were so out of the American mainstream, they might as well have been cast down from Saudi Arabia during the Dark Ages.
When asked about abortion and whether it should be available in cases of rape, incest, or to save the life of the mother — which kinda’ seems reasonable to me, even if you’re anti-Choice — Huckabee insisted he basically would not allow abortions under any circumstances. That rigid stance puts Huckabee into an identical philosophical position with the late Ayatollah Khomeini. Thank goodness this frightening man has no real chance ever to become president. Huckabee, I mean.
IT DOESN’T TAKE A BRAIN SURGEON
Ben Carson seems like a competent, even likable person, and I’d vote for him in a heartbeat….to be my medical doctor. Sadly, his grasp of foreign affairs and the nation’s economy appears about as shaky as Bill Cosby’s future in stand up. When asked about what tax rates should be, Carson offered up this witty gem. He favors the same tithe “that’s requested by god,” which is ten-percent for everyone across the board for everyone. Do the math on that one, folks. There wouldn’t be enough money in the treasury to buy our troops a toy tank. Come to think of it now, I might have to vote for Carson.
CHRISTIE’S BRIDGE TO NOWHERE
Gov. Chris Christie was interesting to watch for a while until he opened his mouth. Badgered by “Bridgegate,” Christie played the “I’m more patriotic than you are” card, you know the same deuce of clubs that got Rudy Giuliani pushed the presidential pot of fool’s gold the last time around. Resorting to his nowhere-else-to-go, what in the hell should I say, Hail Mary about having “friends who were in the towers during 9/11,” Christie went after Sen. Rand Paul in one of the night’s testiest exchanges, pretty much insisting we should ignore the U.S. Constitution when it comes to fighting the war on terror. Come to think of it, that mindset might sway a few votes among Republicans.
LAST CALL FOR PAUL
Speaking of Sen. Rand Paul, plenty of his policy positions trigger a palm straight to the face, if not a gag reflex. But at least Paul was honest about his (decreasingly libertarian) devolution, even going so far as to stand up against one of the conservative pillars, which is America’s unwavering support of Israel. While Paul stated he would stand with Israel if elected, he also made it clear the United States should not be giving out money it doesn’t have. Bravo! This was one of the few times I liked what I heard the entire night.
Too bad Trump jumped into the race. Paul’s support, relying on lots of anger and disillusion with conventional politics made him the rightful heir to the Ron Paul “Revolution.” Now, with Trump stealing the spotlight as the unconventional candidate who appeals to some fiscal conservatives and many libertarians, Paul looks like the single guy at the end of the bar at 2 in the morning during “last call.”
THE REPUBLICAN SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING: EXPAND THE MILITARY
For me, the most astonishing question of the night came late when candidates were asked about American foreign policy and the military’s role in global affairs. Over the next 15 minutes, each candidate somehow managed to stare into a television camera and with a straight face assert that we need to spend even more on the military. More money we don’t have.
Despite being the world’s only global superpower, with 200 bases in almost every corner of the planet, and having a military budget the size of the next 16-ranked nations on earth COMBINED, according to all these Republicans, we’re not spending nearly enough on weapons. Republican foreign policy? More fighter jets. More weapons. More bombs. More wars. More profits for their pals.
Yes, we certainly do need a military, and by that I mean one that’s not off somewhere fighting pointless, unwinnable, trillion-dollar costing wars that just create more problems and acts of terror. Yes, we do need strong forces. Which starts with spending more wisely. But to suggest we need to expand the size of the military, with absolutely no way to pay for it, is mutually assured madness.
These people are crazy.
WHO WOULD GOD CHOOSE?
Speaking of crazy, the last question posed to the candidates was a real zinger. It might have seemed inappropriate and terribly out of place in any other political setting that intended to address serious issues. But this is the Republican Party, and thus it fits right in.
Candidates were asked if, in their minds, God had asked them to run for president. Still reeling from the previous exchange when ten presidential candidates all essentially morphed into a gaggle of Dr. Strangeloves, my screwball meter blew a fuse when each of the candidates went down the line, one by one, professing their love for Jesus. I hoped at least Rand Paul might throw down the gauntlet and remind everyone that Sky Daddy probably hasn’t picked a favorite just yet. That will come later, probably in South Carolina.
I wish Paul would have explained something called the “separation of church and state” to the audience, and flat out say the question doesn’t belong in a debate of this magnitude. But even he caved in.
As for Sen. Ted Cruz, he basically knocked Huckabee off the pulpit with his best Jesus story. If Cruz can somehow arrange to get asked every single question, every time, about Jesus, he’s got the Republican nomination locked up.
QUICKEN LOANS CENTER — THE PERFECT ARENA FOR REPUBLICANS
The Quicken Loans Center was an appropriate venue for the Republican debate, given that conservative economic principles (such as deregulation of banks and Wall Street) have essentially made these predatory loan sharks into a booming business. The leeches are everywhere.
Perhaps Quicken could open up a loan branch right there at one of the concession stands. Just in time for next year’s national convention. And when each and every Republican insists they want to spend more money on the military, that is, without raising taxes (cutting them, in fact), a Quicken Loans Center representative can be of assistance.
Let’s just hope these Republicans can speak Chinese.
Footnote and Correction: Marco Rubio mentioned student debt once.