Listen up. I want everyone to start addressing me as “Colonel Nolan Dalla.”
Today, by official proclamation of Governor of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, I was given that state’s highest honor, the designation as a full-fledged “Colonel.” Thanks to Gov. Steve Beshear, whom I’m pleased to find out is a Democrat. Receiving this award from a Republican might have been awkward.
I was told this honor had previously been granted to none other than the following luminaries — President Lyndon B. Johnson, astronaut John Glenn, Sir Winston Churchill, Elvis Presley, Muhammad Ali, and now yours truly, “Colonel Nolan Dalla.” Seems fitting, doesn’t it? Has a nice ring.
This esteemed prize and presentation were all made possible by Mark “Pegasus” Smith, a proud resident of the State of Kentucky and apparently a loaded and quite generous political donor. Pegasus set up the awards for us and the official presentation, which took place in front of “Poker Night in America” television cameras on Saturday, November 21st. I was joined by Todd Anderson, Tom Schneider, Chris Hanson, and Jim Tinney as recipients of the award.
Since I’m a Colonel now, that should mean I get to boss lots of people around. I’m ready to start doing lots of ordering. My word will now have authority. People will respect me and covet my presence. Oh boy, I can’t wait to get started with all this Colonel stuff. Which brings up a question: Shouldn’t the certificate come with a bottle of Kentucky bourbon?
Later tonight, I’ll be toasting this honor along with Pegasus and the rest of my fellow Colonels. I assume Pegasus is also picking up the tab.
Troops dis-missed.
