Seriously, is there a more pointless excuse to fly a bunch of college students to New York City and jack everyone off on national television pretending this award really means something?
I heard that the Heisman Trophy is being presented to someone on Saturday.
Seems like the perfect day. Aren’t garage sales usually held most Saturdays? Because that’s where the trophy will likely end up. Fetching two bucks along with the broken hairdryer on the neighbor’s folding table.
Seriously, is there a more pointless excuse to fly a bunch of college students to New York City and jack everyone off on national television pretending this award really means something?
You know, New York City — that hotbed of college football. At something called the “Downtown Athletic Club,” which to me sounds more like a rub and tug joint. Give me a fucking break. This makes about as much sense as hosting the Tony Awards in Birmingham.
The Heisman Trophy has got to be the biggest “who cares” moment in all of the sports, and that’s really saying something if you know what curling is.
Call it for what it really is — a bowling trophy. Like rolling a 200 game. You know, a nice moment to share with your buddies, but utterly forgettable once everyone has downed about two beers.
Take a look at all the busts who have won this heap of metal over the past 20 or so years:
1992 — Gino Torretta Miami Quarterback BUST
1993 — Charlie Ward Florida State Quarterback BUST (in football)
1994 — Rashaan Salaam Colorado Running back BUST
1995 — Eddie George Ohio State Running back
1996 — Danny Wuerffel Florida Quarterback BUST
1997 — Charles Woodson Michigan Cornerback/Punt Returner
1998 — Ricky Williams Texas Running back
1999 — Ron Dayne Wisconsin Running back BUST
2000 — Chris Weinke Florida State Quarterback BUST
2001 — Eric Crouch Nebraska Quarterback BUST
2002 — Carson Palmer* USC Quarterback
2003 — Jason White Oklahoma Quarterback BUST
2004 — Matt Leinart USC Quarterback BUST
2005 — Vacated
2006 — Troy Smith Ohio State Quarterback BUST
2007 — Tim Tebow Florida Quarterback BUST
2008 — Sam Bradford* Oklahoma Quarterback
2009 — Mark Ingram, Jr. Alabama Running back BUST
2010 — Cam Newton* Auburn Quarterback
2011 — Robert Griffin III Baylor Quarterback
2012 — Johnny Manziel Texas A&M Quarterback
Call this Heisman Trophy what it is — a load of junk that’s nothing more than an excuse for sportswriters to feel important and yet another ridiculous televised awards show which means nothing.
Fuck it.
READ: College sports are a disgrace
READ: College vs. Pro