Another Gavin Smith Story
Gavin Smith and I go back many, many years. More cocktails, laughs, and hangovers than I care to remember. Let’s just say I knew Gavin before he became infamous.
Last night, we added to another chapter to the encyclopedia of stories you wouldn’t believe.
Gavin and I agreed to meet at a locals hangout on Fort Apache, on the west side of town. By the time I arrived, right on time mind you, Gavin already had an empty glass parked in front of him.
I had put the over/under on our session at 90 minutes. That’s what I told Marieta, anyway. Main reason was — I had plenty of things to do that night and I wasn’t going to let myself get carried away inside a bar with Gavin.
Four hours later, we were still hunched over our bar stools drinking and laughing. Gavin can be such a terrible influence.
Anyway, the bill finally came. I had absolutely no idea how many drinks we consumed. Both of us also enjoyed a full dinner. I even took an order to go for Marieta.
Well, wouldn’t you know it. I only had a couple of hundred on me, and blew all that in the video poker machine. Apparently, Gavin did the same thing. So, the $180 bar tab comes and is sitting there staring us in the face, and neither one of us has any cash or even a working credit card.
“I thought you had money?” Gavin says.
“No, I figured you had money,” I replied.
Stuck with a bill you can’t pay, now what do you do?
Well, if you’re Gavin Smith — you try to borrow some money!
GAVIN: Hey (bartender’s name)! We’re both busted. We need to settle this.
BARTENDER: You’re busted? What did you do, blow all your money in the video poker machine?
GAVIN: Yeah, your machines really suck. Your machines don’t pay shit.
BARTENDER: I’ve got nothing to do with that.
GAVIN: So, I need to ask you a favor.
BARTENDER: What’s that?
GAVIN: I need to borrow $200. You got it?
BARTENDER: You mean to pay the bar tab?
GAVIN: No, I need the $200 just for me. For myself. To take home. I’m busted.
BARTENDER: (After regaining his ability to speak) I’d give it to you, but I don’t really have it right now. Business has been kinda’ slow.
So, we ended up guzzling down four hours worth of drinks. We ate two full meals. We even ordered a meal to go. Neither one of us had a nickel in our pockets when the bill came, and then Gavin tried to hit up the bartender for a personal loan.
Fortunately, no one called the cops on us. As things turned out, Gavin did manage to borrow from someone else. We settled up, gave the bartender a $50 tip, and left.
Moral of story: When Gavin and I walk into a bar, get the money up front.