Why Should I Buy a New Fridge, When the “Old” One Works Just Fine?
Marieta says it’s time for a new refrigerator because the “old” one was bought 13 years ago. I say, run the old fridge into the ground.
We got our stimulus checks.
Now, Marieta wants a new refrigerator.
The question I keep asking is ————-the fuck————— why?
Doesn’t the old fridge work fine? Okay, except for the icemaker which just spins when you try to force the lever. Other than that, I mean.
Let’s take some quick inventory:
Does the current fridge keep the food cold?
Does the current fridge keep the food frozen?
Does the current fridge make any strange noises?
Nope, except for that thing with the ice cubes which buzzes like a power drill when you try to use it.
Runs like a charm!
Besides, if Marieta wants ice cubes bad, we can always get those plastic ice trays and freeze tap water. Hey, if it worked for people in 1947, it can work for us today — especially if we’re saving two grand.
My philosophy goes like this: Buy an appliance. Keep it so long as it runs. When it conks out, buy a new one. Note, the trick is to ditch the old appliance in a vacant lot somewhere late at night when no one is looking. The $70 delivery fee seems like a bargain.
The cycle of life!
Trouble is — Marieta does
all the work around the house including all the cooking most of the cooking and so whatever she says pretty much is the rule. Especially in the kitchen.
About a year ago, we got into a squabble over when it’s time to paint the house. The house looks perfectly fine to me with a coat of paint that dates back to the days when Bush 2 was in office. I’ve somehow managed to delay the inevitable agony of moving around lots of heavy furniture and painting the inside of the house for no other reason than I’m too cheap to blow money on painting walls, then the old faded stucco looks perfectly fine.
I’m winning the paint war, at least so far. But the dam on home improvements is about to break and bust wide open. I’ve become an underdog in the refrigerator battle.
The other day. Marieta saw some appliances at Home Depot. I have to admit they look pretty nice, especially those units with “sale” prices. She asked if we should get a Whirlpool or an LG or a Samsung, which I didn’t realize makes refrigerators now. I told her my favorite brand is SALE.
Some of the refrigerators nowadays even have televisions embedded right in the front door. Seriously — a television screen tucked inside a refrigerator! I don’t get that. We already have a TV in the kitchen, so what’s the big deal about having a screen in the front door? It’s not like I’m going to miss the 3rd downplay standing in the middle of the kitchen screaming when my team is losing. I can do that in the living room.
Engineers who design refrigerators are psychopaths, let me tell you. I mean, the purpose of the appliance is to keep the food cold. I don’t care what color the door is nor do I want to watch The View while digging through the door for an orange. But somehow these marriage busters keep on adding shit to the newest models — TV screens, extra drawers, pullout organizers, interior lighting. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m buying a refrigerator or watching a Vegas stage show. I expect the American Idol winner to bust out of the freezer at any second.
Marieta pointed out that we shouldn’t wait until the old 13-year old fridge goes kaput, which almost certainly will happen when I’m out of town and it’s 109 degrees outside. We’ll end up losing $450 worth of beef and fresh frozen fish while arguing with the delivery driver to get the new model here before next Thursday. Like a chess player, Marieta is thinking three moves ahead while I won’t budge until the ice cream has completely melted on the kitchen floor. That what cats are for.
Here’s a possible compromise: I can tell Marieta she can use HER stimulus check on the fridge and I keep mine. Does anyone think that pitch will fly?
Oops. I feel another argument is coming.