Betting the Teaser Wheel
Today, I’m laying everything on the line.
My entire bankroll will be put into action. Like they say, it takes money to make money.
I haven’t done one of these in about three years. But now I see the absolutely perfect betting opportunity. The best things in life are worth waiting for, and here’s a chance for free money. Back up the truck and start loading. Bring gloves, because it might be quite a load.
I’m talking about a betting strategy term I first coined about 15 years ago when I was writing for Mad Jack Sports. I’m talking about the dreaded “teaser wheel.” Dreaded by the bookies, that is. They shiver in fear.
A Warning: This is a true bridge jumper. What this means is, in the event the ice cream turns to shit, we’re all going to be looking for a bridge, as in — to jump from. Fortunately, there are no bridges in Las Vegas. So, I might have to leap from Hoover Dam if the unthinkable happens. If New England loses, my body might end up floating down the Colorado River.
The teaser wheel is patterned after the spokes on a common bicycle. Think of the anchor as the center, and then multiple spokes attached which support the wheel. Essentially, a teaser wheel means you place the strongest lead-pipe lock team in the enter and then “wheel” the rest of the card with the anchor.
This week, the New England Patriots appear to be the perfect anchor. They play an awful Houston Texans team that has lost nine straight games and looks to be going nowhere. Last week, the dreadful Texans couldn’t even score an offensive touchdown versus 2-9 Jacksonville — at home! That’s a disgrace! If ever there was a game New England should not lose, it is this one. Since I don’t like laying -7.5 on the road with any team, I look for an alternate strategy. So instead, I’m going to wheel the Patriots with every other team on the card.
This means, I pick up 12-point middles all across the board. No handicapping whatsoever involved. You don’t need to know anything about football. You could be Patti Beadles in a coma and still make this bet. Its that easy. As long as New England covers the -1.5, we’re freerolling every other game. I presume some of the other games will middle, so it should be a profitable day. It’s not a matter of if we’ll win money, it’s HOW MUCH. Pretty sweet investment strategy, if you ask me. Why play the market when you can bet teaser wheels?
Of course, you can go back to following the touts and end up swallowing your lungs in the fourth-quarter of every ball game. You decide. Want to bitch and moan at the referees all day? Or instead, soak up some sun holding onto a deposit slip, wondering what figure to write on the dotted line? Sweet spot to be in trying to guess how much fresh cash you’ll be depositing on Tuesday morning. Like I said, it’s totally up to you. You want to taste your lungs, or sip fine wine?
It’s battle time. Time to bring in my teaser wheel off the bench. We’re kicking ass, taking names, and heading straight for the bank.
(SEE PLAYS BELOW)
NOLAN DALLA: 2013 NFL SEASON RECORD
62 WINS — 52 LOSSES — 3 PUSHES
THURSDAY RESULTS – 1 WINS — 2 LOSSES
STARTING BANKROLL: $10,000.
CURRENT BANKROLL: $11,585.
NET GAIN/LOSS: plus $1,585.
BEST BETS: 9–15–1
THIS WEEK’S PLAYS: (AVAILABLE FUNDS: $11,585)
$11,585 divided by 12 possible games, equals $965 per game. So, we will round this off and bet $430 per teaser (accounting for vig). Every game on the card will be covered. Any tie means the wager gets graded as a push (if the other part wins, otherwise it’s a loss). Note that one game falls on a very bad number, which you may want to pass on. Also, four BEST BETS this week.
New England -1.5 with Tennessee +10 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Indianapolis -2 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Denver (pick) — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Kansas City +12 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Tampa +13 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Carolina -1 — $473 to win $430 <<<BEST BET>>>
New England -1.5 with Chicago +6 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Minnesota + 6 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Jacksonville +13 — $473 to win $430 <<<BEST BET>>>
New England -1.5 with Cleveland -1 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Arizona +9 — $473 to win $430 <<<BEST BET>>>
New England -1.5 with Philadelphia +3 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Miami +8.5 — $473 to win $430 <<<BEST BET>>>
New England -1.5 with NY Jets +3.5 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Atlanta +9.5 — $473 to win $430 (bad number)
New England -1.5 with Buffalo +2.5 — $473 to win $430 (bad number)
New England -1.5 with St. Louis +13 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with San Francisco -1 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Cincinnati +6 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with San Diego +6 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with NY Giants +5 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Washington +7 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with New Orleans +12 — $473 to win $430
New England -1.5 with Seattle (pick) — $473 to win $430
PENDING NFL FUTURES WAGERS
DALLAS COWBOYS UNDER 8.5 WINS (-125) —– Wagering $750 to win $600 in serious trouble
NEW YORK GIANTS OVER 9 WINS (-105) —– Wagering $1,050 to win $1,000 almost certainly dead
GREEN BAY PACKERS UNDER 10.5 WINS (-115) —– Wagering $575 to win $500 winner
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS UNDER 7.5 WINS (+105) *BEST BET* —– Wagering $1,500 to win $1,575 almost certain winner
NEW ORLEANS OVER 9 WINS (-165) —– Wagering $1,650 to win $1,000 looking very strong
ST. LOUIS RAMS OVER 7.5 WINS (-110) —– Wagering $440 to win $400 needs help, but possible
BALTIMORE RAVENS OVER 8.5 WINS (-110) —– Wagering $1,100 to win $1,000 needs help, but possible
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS OVER 8.5 WINS (-110) —– Wagering $880 to win $800 ahead of pace, should win
OAKLAND RAIDERS UNDER 5.5 (-180) — Wagering $1,800 to win $1,000 could go either way
NOLAN DALLA: 2012 FINAL NFL SEASON RECORD
98 WINS – 87 LOSSES – 6 PUSHES —– (+ 34.6 units / 1 unit = $100)
STARTING BANKROLL: $10,000.
ENDING BANKROLL: $13,460.
NET GAIN: +$3,460
BEST BETS OF THE WEEK: 14-7-0