Note: I attempted to write up a blow-by-blow description of what happened on Sunday, but found it way too demoralizing. Instead, I recorded a profanity-laced rant which appears as my contribution of the day.
I. Splendor in the Ass
There are no words to describe the NFL Sunday that was October 12, 2014.
No acid-laced adjectives strong enough. No curse words spiked with enough vulgarity. Not enough bold and CAPITAL letters. Not enough exclamation points!!!
A fuck house. A shit show. A wagering apocalypse. Impalement of the heart, mind, and wallet.
It wasn’t just the amount of money that I wagered and skillfully lost which turned personal misfortune into an art form. It was the royal manner in which so many games smoldered with hope, and then ultimately crashed down in flames just short of the goal line. ‘Twas I who was burned, along with my entire net season winnings, plus another $4,000 worth of salt poured into an open festering wound.
When you take a beating like this, there’s finally a point when you no longer care. It’s that dreaded “I don’t give a shit” moment. Where bottled-up anger blooms into dark comedy. Where you laugh yourself silly like you’ve woken up as an inmate confined inside a madhouse. Where the next beat after another and another elicits not tears, but hysteria.
There goes another pick-six! There’s another $800! Waaahhhaaahhhaaahhhaaa!
Indeed — I no longer cared. Stuck $7,000 or $8,000 for the day….what’s the fucking difference? The threshold of misery had been long crossed half a dozen bad coaching decisions, shitty calls, and missed opportunities ago. Like sticking a dead corpse with a needle. You no longer feel anything.
My journey into this Heart of Darkness began at 10 am on Sunday morning.
II. Bridge Over Troubled Water
Can someone please explain to me how the Tampa Bay Buccaneers failed to fucking show up for an NFL home game on Sunday? How do those piss ant pricks fall behind 35 to fucking NOTHING just 16 minutes into a football game? At home! Against the “explosive” offense of the Baltimore Ravens which hasn’t produced a good drive since the Korean War! Are you fucking kidding me?
As I was watching that human sacrifice, I heard one of the announcers say that Tampa’s offensive coordinator took a leave of absence this week. Okay, fine. But WHAT ABOUT THE DEFENSE? HOW DO THOSE FUCKS GIVE UP FIVE TOUCHDOWN PASSES a minute in the second quarter to Flacco and his band of flunkies? God damn fucking prick-ass jokers!
Wait, I’m not finished with Tampa yet. Hold on.
(ten minutes pass)
I’ve lost control of my emotions. I can’t do this….shifting my rant to video.
(video recorded and uploaded)
WARNING: CONTAINS EXCESSIVE PROFANITY
