Are American parents doing a lousy job? That not really a question so much as an accusation. Admittedly, it’s also a slap in the face to millions of parents out there who know far more about the ordeal of raising kids than I do. Fact is, I don’t know a thing about being a parent or raising kids. I pose this question for the sake of discussion.
In my countless travels and many social engagements over the years, I’ve noticed a peculiar tendency that seems unique to American families. In other words, native-born family members appear to interact quite differently when together in public when contrasted with non-American-born parents and their kids. One presumes these similar relationships extend into the home, behind closed doors, as well.
I’m talking about American parents doddering like slaves over their children, allowing the youngsters to be the focal point of all activity and conversation. Indeed, this propensity does appear abnormally American. You don’t see it in other cultures, or at least not as much.
This isn’t the bias of selective memory. It occurs just about everywhere — in restaurants, on airplanes, in doctor’s offices, at grocery stores, at amusement parks — you name it. In general, American-born parents seem to allow their children to run the whole show. Kids must be constantly entertained, amused, cajoled, and pampered. An adult conversation takes a back seat to the whims of six-year-olds.
One doesn’t observe this tendency nearly as often with other ethnic groups — either in similar social situations here in the U.S. with foreign-born parents, or while traveling internationally, or in foreign countries. Their kids quite simply behave much better than ours.
Consider dinner at a family restaurant last night, where a large party was seated at an adjacent table. It filled with parents and their children. There were perhaps 4 or 5 adults and 6 or 7 young children, ranging in ages from perhaps 4 to 10. The kids were loud. They were obnoxious. They were demanding. They ran around the table and annoyed most of those sitting around them. The parents pretty much did nothing, other than feigning some weak threats of discipline. One couldn’t help but notice this was a dreadful experience for all the adults who presumably were out for a nice dinner. They couldn’t engage in normal adult conversation together without being interrupted by one of the kids, or something happening which required attention. It was pathetic.
Tell me this is uncommon. Make the case that the scene I just described doesn’t happen way too frequently, perhaps even with your own friends and family with children present. Say with a straight face that given the choice you wouldn’t prefer the Asian family with kids on the row of your airplane, rather than a family for four from Florida.
Call me what you want. Make the case that I’m a racist. Accuse me of being anti-American. Label me a hater. Tell me I don’t know shit about being a parent. You would certainly be right about that. But one doesn’t see Asian parents and families behaving like that. We don’t witness Latino-born families erupting into a romper room of anarchy and rebellion when they’re out in public. In all my travels to Europe and living there for two years, I rarely saw those kids running the roost.
Obviously, most other cultures behave differently. They raise their kids in a manner that is consistent with a traditional family hierarchy. Children are an essential part of gatherings and are even encouraged to participate in social situations, but their whims aren’t fancied to the point where parents become subjugated to the impulses of adolescents.
Has anyone else noticed this tendency? Are foreign-born parents raising their children more responsible? Are American parents doing a lousy job?
What do you think?