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Posted by on Apr 15, 2014 in Blog, Personal | 7 comments

Ten Common Things I’ve Never Done

 

smoke-marijuana

 

Here’s my list of ten common things I’ve never experienced which might seem unusual to most people:

 

My dear friend Linda Johnson wrote a nice column recently.

Titled “25 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Me,” the column contained many fun facts about Linda and even a few surprises.

Read the full article here:  CARDPLAYER MAGAZINE LINK

I suspect most of us could create a list similar to this, though probably not as unusual as the one Linda put together.  Most of us have varied interests outside our careers and family life.  We have other facets to our personality which aren’t always known publicly or seen by others.

Since Linda already took the high road, I was determined to pursue another.  Rather than list the unusual things that I’ve done (which are abundantly obvious if you visit this website with any regularly), I decided instead to list several of the common things that I haven’t done before.

Here’s my list of ten common things I’ve never experienced which might seem unusual to most people:

(1)  Taken or used illegal drugs of any kind — I’m no prude.  I believe in letting people do whatever they want, so long as they don’t harm others.  That said, I’ve never understood the appeal of taking drugs — especially the hard stuff.  Someone, please explain any upside whatsoever to me.  Make a case that meth benefits the user in any way.  I realize there’s some hypocrisy in criticizing drug abuse, since alcohol does at least as much (if not more) overall harm in our society.  But alcohol is also used responsibly by the vast majority of drinkers.  Moreover, there are some proven health benefits to drinking — especially beer and wine.  Such is not the case with harder drugs.  Other than marijuana used sparingly, or for medicinal reasons, I just don’t get it.  I’m baffled as to why anyone would use dangerous drugs and have no mercy for those who end up paying the consequences.

(2)  Bought a new car — I’ve owned about twenty cars or so over the course of my lifetime.  Every one of them was purchased used.  This was my choice.  Sure, I could have bought a new car as many people do.  Even when I didn’t have enough money to pay the cash price, financing was an option.  Then again, why would I eat that shit sandwich?  Why go in and put up with scummy car dealers?  Based on my limited experiences with them, car dealerships are worse than loan sharks (note to self — post an article sometime on the Las Vegas Volvo dealership which now badgers me non-stop after buying a used car from them).  Besides, buying a new car is almost always a raw deal.  The car’s value drops the instant you drive it off the lot.  Buying a new car just doesn’t make any sense to me.

(3)  Gone on a cruise ship — I have nothing against cruises.  I’ve just never had the occasion to go on one.  This might seem strange to have traveled all over the world and yet I’ve never stepped on a cruise ship.  Not once.  Card Player Cruises seems like a fun thing to try, and one of these days I’ll join that nice group of people and go somewhere interesting.  But as for right now, I have little or no interest being packed like a sardine into a metal hull for a week, barfing buffets, hearing the neighbors’ orgasms through a paper-thin wall, swimming in contaminated pools full of bacteria, listening to kids scream, and then getting ass jammed every time the boat docks at one of the ports, which are full of tourist traps and starving children that look like the ones in those heartbreaking television commercials.  No thanks.

(4)  Watched the following television programs (The Simpsons, The Sopranos, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, fill in the blank with just about any other popular show) — Any television show which begins with “Housewives of….” won’t even get a curious glance.  It simply doesn’t exist to me.  I realize these trashy reality shows which are now so popular don’t exactly belong in the same discussion with The Simpsons and The Sopranos, which are both critical and popular hits.  But they’re off the air now, right?  Or, was Galdofini replaced?  I’ve heard people do Homer Simpson impressions, and I believe I know who that is.  But if you paid me a million bucks, I couldn’t tell you the name of another character on any of those programs.  I don’t watch them.  I don’t care.  Fuck it.

(5)  Eaten at the following restaurants (Subway, Carl’s Jr., Capriotti, Chick-fil-A, Quizno’s, etc.) — This list would be much longer, except that I went through the typical Jack-in-the-Box phase when I was younger and was broke all the time, like everyone else.  Fortunately, now I can afford to be a bit more selective about what I eat.  That means the major fast-food chains don’t get my business (I’ll tolerate Wendy’s and In-and-Out Burger, occasionally).  All that stuff is basically processed junk food loaded with fat, salt, sugar, and chemicals.  What kind of sadist would put that into their own body?  Worse, what kind of parents feed these poisons so frequently to their children?  It’s child abuse.

(6)  Driven with the air conditioner turned on — This one shocks a lot of people.  It’s even caused a few marital spats.  Get ready for this — I don’t believe in using the car’s air conditioner.  First, it’s very bad for the engine.  Using the AC wears it out faster.  Besides, I only buy used cars, so I have to be more aware of maintenance issues.  When the AC is blasting, you’re breathing in chemicals.  I realize this may seem odd for someone who lives in Las Vegas, where the summer temperatures can soar to 115 degrees.  But you get used to the heat after a while.  And sweating has been proven to be good for the body.  If mankind could live without air conditioning for 100,000 years before it was invented, then why do we need it now?  An exception is when Marieta is with me and we’re taking others out somewhere, like to dinner.  Or, if our guests have a heart condition.  She insists our guests wouldn’t be comfortable with the windows down and the wind blowing in our faces like a hot air dryer going full blast.  But that’s the only exception I’ll make.  By the way, a car with a sunroof is mandatory since you can also catch some rays while driving.

(7)  Owned a female pet — I have nothing against female animals.  But I’ve always owned male cats and dogs for some reason.  Oh wait, I take that back.  I did own one female cat, which was about 20 years ago.  Its name was “Suki.”  It escaped from the house and came back pregnant.  The little tramp.  Then, we had to spend weeks running ads in the paper to get rid of the batch of kittens.  Female animals are just too much trouble.  I won’t own a female pet. (NOTE:  No longer true — adopted female cat in 2019 and she’s wonderful!)

(8)  Worn white shoes of any kind (includes tennis shoes) — I refuse to wear white shoes.  White shoes don’t make any sense to me, at all.  First, white shoes get dirty the moment you start walking (or running) in them.  Besides, they look ridiculous, especially on grown men.  Real men don’t wear white shoes.  In fact, black is the only color that makes any sense to me when it comes to shoes.  That goes for dress shoes and athletic shoes.  Al black, all the time.  All pavement is black.  All roads are black.  And so, all ten pairs of shoes I own are black.  Why would you wear any other color besides black?  What’s the point?

(9)  Seen Van Morrison live in concert — This might not seem unusual to most people.  But Van Morrison is my favorite musical artist (not the Brown Eyed Girl and Moondance phase, which is grossly overplayed).  I own just about everything “Van the Man” has ever released, plus several bootlegs.  Yet, I’ve never once seen him perform live, even though I’ve had many opportunities to do so.  The reason is — more often than not, Van Morrison is a terrible live performer (I’ve heard countless live recordings, and most are painful to listen to).  Note to self — write an article on the juxtaposition of being a Van Morrison fan sometimes.  The real reason I refuse to attend any of his concerts is, I want to believe in the dream.  I don’t want to storm out of his concert and end up angry and bitter, which is exactly what would happen.  That would ruin the considerable emotional investment I have made in the man and his music for nearly 40 years.  What’s unusual about this is, most fans want to see their favorite artist.  I don’t.  Sometimes, it’s better not to experience something.  UPDATE:  I’ve seen VM twice now, and he’s terrible as a live performer.  

(10)  Say “goodbye” when leaving a social engagement — I attend a fair number of social gatherings.  But I don’t believe in saying “goodbye.”  What’s the point of that?  Why waste everyone’s time with such an unnecessary formality?  When I arrive at a party, I want to maximize my time spent there with those I meet.  I don’t want to needlessly spend precious time saying “goodbye” to people.  Besides, saying “goodbye” to everyone takes too much time.  When I want to leave, I head straight for the door.  I’m gone.  Saying “goodbye” is way too much drama for me.

TAG: Nolan Dalla writings
TAG: What are the most common vices?

7 Comments

  1. Let’s smoke a doobie dooobie doooo sometime and talk about this list. Lol.

  2. I listen to Astral Weeks all the time because of you. I’ve heard he’s hit or miss based on levels of intoxication, I’m down to see him.

  3. Nolan,
    My response to your list:
    1. I smoked marijuana when I was younger. I agree with you about harder drugs–never had the urge to “try” cocaine, heroin, meth, etc.
    2. I bought a new car 6 years ago (and I’m driving it today). Never bought new before, not sure if I will again. Wait, you should
    just tell me what kind of car you want to drive four years from now so I can buy it new today and sell it to you in 2018.
    3. I’ve never been and have no intention of going on a cruise for the reasons you stated, with the possible exception of a poker cruise.
    4. I’ve seen The Sopranos (very good show, series ended several years ago) and The Simpsons (still making new episodes, I think; I haven’t watched an episode in probably 10 years). I agree about shit like American Idol and Dancing With the Stars.
    5. I have to admit eating too much fast-food. I have never and will never eat at Chick-Fil-A and I’ve never heard of Capriotti.
    6. Note to self: never get a ride in Vegas from Nolan Dalla during BARGE.
    7. I’ve never owned a pet (had pets when I was a kid).
    8. I’ve occasionally had white athletic shoes, but your basic point about white being a silly color for shoes is correct.
    9. Ditto, but Van’s not my favorite artist. Saw Bob Dylan last year; his band is great but Bob himself sucked.

  4. #10. What if its the last time you’ll see the person? Or something bad happens you or them. At least a simple goodbye was the last thing you said.

  5. I’m sorry if I haven’t looked hard enough to find the post but you did a story when Jackie Gaughan died that was going to have a part 2. did that ever get posted? also great list. I ride the same way in my car EXCEPT in vegas.
    It’s too fucking hot!!

    • Nolan Replies:

      I do not recall saying I would write a Part 2 of Jackie Gaughan. I did not know him, other than as an acquaintance, so I’m not sure what else I might have added. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

      Thanks for posting.

      — ND

  6. Um, fix your pets (male or female) then it doesn’t matter.

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