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Posted by on Aug 30, 2015 in Blog, Personal | 15 comments

Solve a Marital Spat: How Often Should a House Be Painted?

 

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I woke up this bright Sunday morning to the following question:

“When are we going to paint the house?”

Huh?  What?  Am I having a nightmare?

 

“When are we going to paint the house?” Marieta asked.

Indeed, this was a nightmare.  Only real.

I was inclined to answer “sometime this century,” and then roll over and go back to sleep.  But I knew I couldn’t get out of the discussion so easily.

“The walls look perfectly fine to me,” I replied.  “Look, there’s not a scratch on them.  Why do we need to paint the walls?”

Marieta pointed out that the inside of our house hasn’t been painted in 11 years.  Actually, it’s been 11 years and 2 months, but I figured by admitting it’s been two extra months since the last paint job, that wouldn’t help my side of the argument.

We bought this house in June 2004.  When we moved in, the walls had a fresh coat of paint, mostly a tan color.  Now, 1,726 bottles of wine and two cats later, the walls look as good as new.  The color still matches the furniture.

“Ask normal people how often they paint the house,” Marieta insisted.  “Write about it, and see what the readers say.”

Who said we were normal?

And so, here I am pleading with writing to my readers, wanting to know the protocol for painting the inside of a house.  How often should the interior be re-done?

I should point out that Marieta insists that we do the entire house all at once.  That involves moving lots of heavy furniture.  If there’s one thing I hate in this world, it’s moving heavy furniture.  We did that once already earlier this year when we ripped out two floors worth of carpeting and installed hardwood flooring.  I thought the carpet looked fine, too.  But I lost that war discussion.  I sure as shit don’t want to have to move heavy furniture around all over again, unplug all the electronic equipment, and basically live like a starving refugee for a week while the whole house smells like turpentine.

In fact, I was prepared to surrender and immediately call the painters, until the next stage of marital negotiations.  That’s when my nightmare got worse.

“It’s not just the walls that need painting,” Marieta said.  “The ceiling needs to be painted, too.”

What!  The ceiling!  Who paints the ceiling?

Upon further examination of the ceilings, I realized that would probably double the price.  The ceiling is all uneven.  It almost has an oatmeal texture to it.  I don’t see the point in painting that.  Who cares about the ceiling?

“The ceiling is ugly,” Marieta said.  “It’s got 11 years of grime, dirt, dust, cat hair — you name it, it’s up there.”

Actually, 11 years and 2 months, but I digress.  Besides, I don’t see any cat hair on the ceiling.  Now, shit’s being made up.

“If the walls get painted, the ceiling has to be painted, too,” Marieta demanded.

So, what does that involve, I asked.  What do you do with all the furniture if they’re painting the ceilings?  Where do we put the furniture?

“They have to cover everything up,” Marieta said.  “The whole inside of the house has to be covered.”

Suddenly, the entire Dalla household looking like an ebola internment camp flashed into my mind.

“I still don’t understand why we need to paint the house,” I pleaded.  “Go to the fanciest French restaurants in New Orleans.  Those walls haven’t been painted in 150 years.  And those are world-class establishments.”

“Yeah, that’s why the whole city looks like a dump.  Because the walls haven’t been painted in 150 years!”

“That’s the charm,” I insisted.

“That’s not charm!  That’s filth!”

Marieta loves New Orleans.  She even said we can move there someday.  And since most of our house is done in that motif, with ironwork and fleur-de-lis’ just about everywhere, this was my last chance.  I figured if I played the New Orleans card, moved all-in, and lost — I’d end up drawing dead.

Well, I played the New Orleans card, moved all-in, and lost.

“This isn’t Galatoire’s in the French Quarter,” Marieta snapped.

Still, I’m clinging onto one last desperate shred of hope.  Please — let this all be a nightmare.  It’s just a bad dream, right?  Yeah, that’s the ticket.  In just a few short minutes, I’m going to wake up, roll over, see Marieta sleeping blissfully, realize this was just a hallucination, and continue to doze off in peace.

Let me wake up from this nightmare soon.  Please.

Otherwise, it all comes down to this:  Does anyone know a good painter who will work cheap?  What do “normal people” have to say about this?  I’ll even take some Republican support if I can get it.

Emergency Question:  If I lose, how do I postpone the painting until after football season?

More background on Marieta: READ HERE

TAG TO SIMILAR ARTICLES: Love and Marriage

READ: Why Should I Buy a New Fridge When the Old One Works Just Fine?

15 Comments

  1. IF a home needs interior painting, it should be done immediately BEFORE repairing or replacing any flooring. In the case at bar, when the flooring again needs to be replaced, the painting should be completed before the flooring is removed and replaced. This should come up again in 2027.

    You are welcome.

  2. I just asked my girlfriend, she said whenever you get bored with the color… or every five years.

    If you cruise down to the star nursery I bet you could find some fine moustached fellers to help you with your task. Or hire some professional painters. Don’t move any furniture though. And yah you are a dummy for not doing it when the floors were up.

    Take a vacation. Colorado is nice this time of year. When you come home, poof painted walls and ceiling.

  3. I’m hardly normal … but last time I painted the interior of a house was in 2002 – just after I’d moved most of the furniture out, and just before I sold it. Have not yet painted any interior walls on the new house. I’m sort of cheating on the new house because most of the interior walls of the new house are knotty pine boards and will never be painted. But I had had the old house since 1986 and did not paint it until just before I sold it. I think that is when most people paint the interior of a house, just before selling it. If you are planning on selling the house soon go ahead and paint. If you want to keep the house a long time you could consider putting some sort of natural wood on the walls that should never be painted 😉 I need to do something for the exterior of my current house soon … might put up siding so it never needs paint again.

    If major work must be done, don’t you travel enough that you could hire someone to get it done while you are gone?

    • Possible compromise – since paint probably isn’t really needed but you want to keep Marieta happy – do one room each year until they are all done. I saw somewhere on the web that after the holidays is a good tome to paint. (I think Superbowl Sunday counts as a Holiday)

  4. “How Often Should a House Be Painted?”

    It should be painted every time you can’t talk your wife out of it. That’s the real truth of the matter. Actually, it may be an opportune time. Labor costs for this sort of thing might go way up after President Trump takes office.

    I don’t consider myself to be a normal person, I don’t know why you or Marietta would.

    • Nolan Replies: Losing NPC’s support in this discussion is reminiscent of LBJ’s famous declaration upon watching the “CBS Evening News” one night and listening to Walter Cronkite rail against the Vietnam War for the first time. “Oh my God,” said Johnson “We’ve lost Chronkite….there goes the war. It’s over.”

      — ND

      • If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been a homeowner for, what, 17 years now and the only interior painting I’ve ever done was one kitchen, and I only did that because (a) the painters were already on site to do some insurance-covered external work, and (b) because it was seafoam (and had been for about seven years before I got around to having it painted.)

        So, I’m on your side, I’m just letting you know I don’t think you can win this one. Instead, if I were you, I’d plan on conceding the painting and instead trying to compromise on having it happen when you’re out of town.

  5. I’m sorry, but painting the inside of your house every ten years isn’t too much to ask for. But I will say that my theory is most people move before then just so they won’t have to go through the hassle!

  6. We currently have asimilar argument going on. I believe you paint when the old job looks shabby or is a color you no longer want. I wish to do it a room at a time, but Shirley thinks it should all be done at once including ceilings.
    In general I think paining should lmost always happen when you redo floors.

  7. Well, you know you have no chance here, none. You’ll win this one when the Bills with the Supe. But, what we did back in old house in Brooklyn (we’re only been in this one for 6 years so it hasn’t come up) was what Grizz suggested, one room at a time. It was easy and quick and you barely feel the pain. Start with a room without a TV.

  8. It’s time to paint the interior…but not for the reason you think. I agree with some of the other posters that the only time to paint the interior is when you move into a house and when you’re selling it. If your wife has decided it’s time to paint the inside, there’s no telling what other chores she has in mind after that’s finished, so paint the rooms ASAP but then put it on the market. It’ll save you tons of time/money in the long run to just get a new house. Good luck!

  9. Once every 10 years although I repaint about once every 5-6 years. I truly thought this was normal until I read all the others responses! Maybe I should push it more to 10 years…

  10. Hahaha love it. It sounds like you two are going to be alright! I’m more on the side of painting each room one at a time and by the time, I’m done, I just move back to the first room. But I’m a procrastinator by origin. And I don’t have a wife, just the dogs!

    Grant –Man’s best Paint Buddy

  11. Most experts say that you’ll need to paint every five to ten years, depending on factors such as where you live, climate and weather, and the previous paint job. Also, keep in mind that every surface will be a little different.
    URL: https://www.housepaintersnorthshoreauckland.info/

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