BISON FLINT, SD (Nov. 26) – Calls for the Washington Redskins to change their team name grew considerably more vocal this week, as several Native-American Indian tribes put aside centuries of bitter hostilities for the first time and bonded together, demanding that the National Football League franchise immediately replace the team’s controversial mascot.
Organized by the Black Cliff Indian Nation Chief “Donnie” Whitefeather, who works the graveyard shift as a pit boss at the Dry River Casino, several tribes issued what they call an “emergency resolution” hoping to get the team to change their name.
“We’re absolutely fed up with being associated with this team,” Whitefeather fumed. ”The Redskins are an absolute embarrassment to the heritage and tradition of our proud people. I mean, did you see that fucking fiasco last Monday night?
Whitefeather alluded to a horrific performance by the dreadful last-place team, a humiliating 27-6 loss at home to the San Francisco 49ers. In that game, the Redskins compiled just 147 total net offensive yards, their worst output in 12 years.
“I tried to watch the whole game on TV, but I couldn’t make it all the way to the end,” Whitefeather added. ”I had to shut it off in disgust in the fourth quarter because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. You’d think those miserable shits could at least cover the six-point spread, especially given the 49er’s injury situation. Hell, they even blew my parlay with the under by three touchdowns!”
The Redskins have called the Washington, D.C.-area home since being founded back in 1932. For many years, American Indian tribes across the country relished the association of having a team named in their honor, especially one based in the nation’s capital. Indeed, when the Redskins were a winning franchise, team memorabilia enjoyed its strongest sales in areas populated by citizens of American Indian decent. But ever since bombastic boy owner Daniel Snyder took over the team in 1993, popularity has steadily declined everywhere as the Redskins have floundered at the bottom of the NFC East, disappointing anyone idiotic enough to root for the gutless team, from mayors to crack addicts (sometimes one and the same in D.C.).
Meanwhile, a similar movement is underway elsewhere to change the team name of yet another NFL franchise. On Monday, residents of the nation’s second most populous state took to the streets and rioted, insisting that the dismal performance of the 2-9 team bearing their name had brought “deep shame” to the 26 million residents of the Lone Star State.
Officials with the Houston Texans were unavailable for comment.
This is a special table. Then again, I suppose all tables are special. In today’s story I’d like to tell you why this is so.
I don’t know much about this table you see in the photograph, nor do I know its history. I presume it didn’t cost any more money than a usual table of its make and size. In fact, there’s nothing really at all to distinguish this table from any others. It’s pretty common, even ordinary.
So what makes this table so special?
I’ll answer this question later.
But first, let’s talk about fine dining.
I’m issuing a public announcement.
DO NOT SHOOT POOL WITH TODD ANDERSON.
Keep you’re sanity. Preserve your hope. Save your money.
The chrome-domed gentle giant from the great white north of Minnesota has spent a decade masquerading as a poker executive. What an act. He effectively established his cover story, first as the co-creator and owner of the Heartland Poker Tour (HPT) which exploded into a national success. Then, he most recently turned his attention to Poker Night in America, which he also founded and now oversees.
Come to find out, this was all just a sham.
In fact, TODD ANDERSON IS A POOL HUSTLER.
Few things in sports are more painful than watching the misguided offense and play calling of Kyle Shanahan. He’s the offensive coordinator of the Washington Redskins.
Of course, I’ve bet the motherfuckers plus 6, and they’re getting their asses stomped tonight on Monday Night Football. As I post this, they’re losing by more than three touchdowns.
Are you shitting me!
Dumb ass me for thinking any Shanahan-coached team could actually play with some pride at home on the biggest football stage of the week. Piss-ants don’t even bother to show up.
What I fail to understand is — how does Boy-Idiot keep his job?
What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?
That’s really an open-ended question, isn’t it?
Most of us would probably answer an expensive dinner at a fancy restaurant with our family or friends, perhaps on a special occasion. That seems to be the most logical answer.
But ask Terry Anderson about his most memorable meal. For those who don’t remember that name, Anderson was held captive for nearly six years in Lebanon by Hezbollah, an Islamic militant group. While held prisoner inside a dark room most of the time, he was fed a horrible diet. Anderson lost a third of his body weight while being a hostage.
When Anderson was finally set free, he was flown to a U.S.A.F. base in Germany, while in transit back to the United States. At the time he landed, Anderson had not enjoyed what we would call a “normal meal” in six years.
Anderson was led into a cafeteria. A chef was summoned to cook whatever Anderson wanted. Imagine what that instant must have been like for him. Think of being denied what you enjoy most. What would you demand in that situation? What would you hungry for the most? Can anyone even contemplate making such a decision, unless you’ve lived through that kind of hell for six long years?
Even so — what do you think Anderson ordered? Go ahead, take a wild guess.
I’ll return to this question (and answer) at the end of today’s article.