Taking the Night Off
Is anyone else taking tonight off?
I sure am.
I’ll do my drinking and partying during the other 364 days and nights of the year, thank you very much.
Why go out and get shitty service, pay jacked-up prices, and fight for breathing space in a mob scene when you can breeze around any other night of the year and do the exact same thing without the giant headache?
Tonight is amateur night, folks. A giant poser fest. It’s not a night for scotch. It’s a night for butterscotch.
I’ve been involved in exactly two auto accidents during the last 20 years, and wouldn’t you know it — both crashes took place only hours after the New Years celebration.
A few years ago, some drunk bitch pulled out in front of me and ran me into a light pole. She whipped into my lane so fast, I dropped my cell phone onto the floorboard. Even messed up my call. The other time about ten years ago after going to a party. I was sitting in a fast-food drive-thru and some psychotic madman decided to wedge his truck the WRONG WAY plowing through the line of cars like a tank. He demolished the passenger sides of about six cars, then raced off and fled the scene. Of course, neither one of the ass jokers had auto insurance.
It’s a fuckhouse out there, people. A total fuckhouse.
So, do what I choose to do. Go out to a nice dinner at around 6 pm. Enjoy the evening with family or friends. Open up the booze at home, and start pouring. No need to worry about driving home or having some drunk cross the median and knock you head first into an early grave.
I’m taking the night off. See you at the bar tomorrow night.