Why do I chose to drink mineral water all the time?
Rather than ask why I drink mineral water mostly, the rightful question is — why do so many people willingly consume the legal poison known as soft drinks?
Even more appalling — why do so many parents pump their kids full of all so much syrupy garbage? Someone please explain this bizarre atrocity to me, because I sure can’t figure it out. It’s perfectly clear how dangerous soft drinks are to one’s health, especially when they’re the primary consumable of most people’s diets.
Mango’s Mexican restaurant, west of Fargo, North Dakota — terrible sign but great food
Who would guess there’s a terrific Mexican restaurant in North Dakota?
That’s right, frozen North Dakota — a prairie wasteland best known for grazing bison and nuclear missile silos. Let’s not forget Fargo either — although the both movie and television series actually take place in neighboring Minnesota.
In the coming months, I expect to get flooded with dinner invitations.
Everyone who is anyone is in Las Vegas during June and July, and that means I’m in heavy demand.
Sadly, I can’t gratify everyone by accepting every invite. Many of you reading this will be forced to seek out alternative ways to entertain and amuse themselves. You poor things. Sorry, but I generally attend just one dinner engagement nightly. That is, unless you’re picking up the check and my wine selection is priced at $200 or higher. Another helpful hint: The fancier the restaurant and more expensive my wine, the longer you’ll get to enjoy my company.
As a public service, I wish to make sure everyone has an opportunity to engage my charms. Accordingly, I’m hereby posting a few preconditions in order to join you for dinner.
Here are 10 15 20 25 30 32 things you should know before inviting me to dinner. This list is subject to expansion, so check back for updates. Note the following:
This year, I made it all the way to page 16. That’s when I finally blew up and burned the newspaper.
By then, I’d had enough.
Of course, I’m talking about the Las Vegas Review-Journal’s annual “Readers’ Poll.” Every year the readers of the city’s biggest newpaper send in their picks for their favorite this and that, which are tallied up and later released as the winners of the “Best of Las Vegas” awards.
Categories include everything from the best dry cleaners to the best Thai food. The guide runs about 50 pages long and covers just about everything you can possibly think of — and then some. And I made it all the way to page 16.
This latest edition of “Talking Points” features my immediate response upon seeing this year’s results for the first time. As you might expect, there’s excessive profanity.