Today, I’d like to tell you about the most important person in the world to me. Her name is Marieta. We were married 23 years ago on this day.
I wonder. How did the time pass so quickly? Where did the years go?
I remember the first time Marieta came to my eyes, that unexpected instant of perfect clarity, that fleeting moment of pure bliss. She was too beautiful, I thought. I had no shot. I didn’t stand a chance.
But the stars do align sometimes. Lightning strikes.
That first date was awkward. The first kiss even more awkward. Still, I wouldn’t change a thing, not even for an instant. Instead, I’d joyously re-live it over and over, again and again, if only I could. If only I had the power.
These past 23 years haven’t been merely extraordinary. They’ve been unimaginable. Were they always easy? No. Were there challenges? Yes. Finding buried treasure usually requires some serious digging, some personal sacrifice. But in the end, it’s worth it.
Remember the places we went? Remember the things we saw and the people we met over the years? Some remain, and some are gone now. Remember the sights, the sounds, the tastes, the smells, and the soft embrace of our hands joined together so many times as we soaked in the rest of the world?
Those memories remain alive.
Not because of me, but because of you.
Now, I’ve seen everything.
Bottled water has jumped the shark.
Check out the aisle display at a local supermarket here in Las Vegas. Diane Von Furstenberg, who I believe is famous for designing womens’ clothing or making perfume or whatever, now has her own line of water.
I had to head-shake back and forth and do a double take on this scene, as well. For a moment, I thought this shameful display was a prank.
Diane Von Furstenberg Water?
Hey, but at least there’s one good thing about this product. At least it wasn’t Trump.
February 20, 2014
Attention: Mr. Ben Baldanza, CEO — Spirit Airlines
Dear Mr. Baldanza:
Look at the photo above. Take a really good look. Press your eyeballs right up against the screen. Sniff. Take it all in.
THAT’S WHERE I BUNKERED DOWN LAST NIGHT. All because of your incompetent ass-joker tinker-toy excuse of an airline.
Check out the breezeway with chunks of sour vomit splattered right outside my motel front door. What you don’t see were the gangbangers wandering the hallways the entire night, slamming doors, screaming profanities, serenaded by a hissing nest of feral cats parked outside my window making it IMPOSSIBLE to get any sleep. I ended up at this slimeball slumber party — all because of YOU. Make that, because of YOUR AIRLINE.
That’s right. It’s YOUR fault. SPIRIT AIRLINES FAULT. At the time I should have been buckled into my seat up in the air sipping away on my third cocktail some 35,000 feet over Kansas, instead I was padlocked into a dive motel room trying to tune out an argument down the hallway that thankfully didn’t escalate into gunfire. Oh, and I think at least one of the females was in heat. One of the cats, I mean.
Tell me something. Be honest. Would you want to stay in this shithole?
I got scammed on Craigs List.
Scammers! Cheaters! Lying bastards!
Marieta warned me. But I didn’t listen. Husbands never listen, right? I wanted to find a “good deal.”
The crooks looked honest. They seemed nice. They seemed to know what they were doing. Then again, con artists always seem honest and nice, don’t they? Hey — that’s why they’re con artists.
The scam began with a broken water pipe between the house and the street. The last couple few months, our monthly water bill has tripled. Plus, the driveway looks like it’s ready to cave in. I’m just taking a wild guess here, but I think we might have a water leak.
Time to call a plumber.
A funny thing happened on the way to dinner tonight.
I was driving down the middle of the Las Vegas Strip and pulled up behind a shuttle bus.
The weather was pleasant. Beautiful, in fact. High in the low 70s. My car windows were rolled down.
Everything seemed perfectly fine, until the traffic light turned green. At that instant, the shuttle bus in front of me pulled away and left a massive black cloud of noxious exhaust. The fog of poisonous gas engulfed the entire street. The inside of the car became filled with smoke. It was bad enough to make me cough severely, and end up gasping for air. My eyes stung for the next several minutes.
What a health hazard!