Is the Imaginary Sky Daddy Stuck with the AT&T Cellphone Plan?

 

 

Does the imaginary sky daddy known to millions of human beings as “god” have lousy cell phone service?

He must.

Apparently, there’s a massive communications breakdown when natural disasters happen.  I once thought these cataclysmic horrors — rustic tribulations from the skies above and earth below causing so much destruction, pain, and death — occurred when the celestial orchestrator was away on vacation.  Or, taking a day off.  Or sleeping.  Or taking a shower.

But natural disasters happen far too often.  And, too many people are getting hurt.  Even dying.  Sky daddy can’t be on vacation all the time, can he?  He’s not calling in sick that many days.  He isn’t sleeping that much every day, otherwise he’d be a cat.  And he’s certainly not taking showers this frequently unless that how and why droughts happen.

I’ve come to the epiphany that there can be only one possible explanation, which is this:  God is stuck with the lousy AT&T’s multi-year cell phone plan.

“God, can you hear me now?”

Dead silence.

Dropped call.

How else to explain hundreds of millions of prayers spoken, whispered, and cried in the direction of the heavenly sky tower, desperate pleas phoned “his” way — benedictions from believers which are obviously falling on deaf ears?  By the way, forgive my male gender references here to this fictional character called “god.”  I actually have no idea if imaginary sky daddy actually has a penis.

Let’s discuss this irrefutable disconnect between human and deity a bit further.  Take the recent tragedy which occurred in Oklahoma.  That’s right, Oklahoma.  A nice place, to be sure.  Full of good people.  Filled with religious followers.

Sadly, many innocents died in Oklahoma earlier this week — on a Sunday, no less.  That’s the so-called “holy day.”  Perhaps the sky lord was bombarded with too many prayers on that day and his cell phone overloaded.  Like when you get that annoying recording, “All circuits are now busy, please try your call again later.”

Those who phoned in their prayers weren’t guilty.  They weren’t fags or devils deserving eternal punishment and damnation.  These were mostly White Christians.  They were innocent victims of a series of destructive tornadoes which ripped through the Midwest and killed several people.  Many more were injured.

No doubt, those people who lost so much deserve comfort and compassion.  We should do what we can to help them recover and rebuild their homes and their lives.  The same is true for victims suffering severe losses every day due to other disasters — like floods, fires, earthquakes, hurricanes, diseases, or other natural manifestations of peril that destroy life and create misery.

My question for “believers” is — does praying for the survivors do any good?  And if so, how?  Please explain.

Why would the grand operator of the universe be any more amicable to prayers today, well after the killer storm took place, than say last Sunday — during the storm?

I suspect that tens of thousands of people living in Oklahoma, very good people in fact, were praying while that storm approached and passed over their heads.  They prayed hard, to be sure.  No doubt those tens of thousands of prayers were accompanied with sincerity and conviction.

Where was the great almighty during all those prayers phoned his way on Sunday?  Where was the master of all creation while little children were being whisked from their mothers arms in terror?  Where was the master of the earth while shards of broken glass were blowing through the skulls of parents?  Where was the master of destiny when terrified victims were being crushed by the weight of collapsing structures?  Please tell me — where was the beastly creation of mankind and the universe then?

Thankfully, the carnage and death have ended — at least for the moment.  But tranquility is always temporary on Planet Jesus.  Another storm is sure to happen somewhere else.  Tomorrow.  And the day after that.  And the next, and the next.  Maybe it’s a heat wave in the Sub-Sahara, or an earthquake in Turkey, or an outbreak of malaria in Indonesia, or a sinking ship off of Greenland.  Cries and screams and prayers — all utterly ignored by someone alleged to be good and holy.

Are prayers really expected to soften the heart of this almighty one?  Are we to expect sky daddy is suddenly going to be swayed into some kind of merciful intervention?  If sky daddy wasn’t willing to stop the indescribable pain of broken glass swirling through the air at 300 miles-per-hour and ripping off the skin of those in its horrifying path, are we to expect “pappa” to finally come to his senses today and start answering prayers?

This expectation isn’t only naive.  It’s lunacy.  And it deserves no respect whatsoever.  Sort of like praying and begging and then finally thanking the sadistic abuser who stops beating the wife.

Here’s the reality.  There are two options:  (1) Either the universal conductor is the meanest, sickest, most evil force imaginable, or  (2) God is a man-made myth, a fictional creation.   I chose the reasonable option.  I chose the one based on science and logic.  I opt for the second explanation.

Some have tried to explain that horrible disasters — in fact all bad things that happen — are “tests” for humanity.  Believers suggest sky daddy is putting each of us though some kind of trial and examination.  Trial by fire and the threat of death.  We’re also told these terrible events are part of what’s frequently bee termed as “God’s plan,” as if the murdering of infants and torturing innocents can somehow be excused in this sick passion play, so long as it’s directed by the old wise man sitting on a white cloud.

Sorry, but I want no part of this twisted grand plan, not do I want to be cast as an extra in some maniacal epic.

If you do chose to pray, then go ahead.  Pray on your own.  Feel free to pray with those who share your convictions.  But don’t expect me to join in the ritual based on idiotic lies and fear.  Do not ask others, those who you do not know, to engage in this global circus of delusion.  And if you do so, then be prepared to get an earful with an entirely different perspective about the value, and I suggest absurdity of prayer.

There’s absolutely nothing moral about lying to people, especially those who are vulnerable and in distress.  They don’t need to believe in sky daddy and encouraging them to do so requires that you also explain how and why the divine one created such destruction in the first place.  They do not need to believe in some imaginary god.  They need to believe in themselves, their families, their neighbors, and people they may not know who can provide tangible means of support — both physical and emotional.

Still convinced that god is good, despite the fact he ignores the pleas from those he presumably created in his own image?

If so, then please make a call for me.  Please give him a message.  Please tell sky daddy to sign up with a new cell phone carrier.  The AT&T unlimited minutes plan simply isn’t working.

Can you hear me now?

 

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