Nolan’s Kinky French Sleeping Habits

How the fuck did this happen?

I mean, look at this mattress!

Disgusting!

The photo above shows the king-sized bed in my hotel room, in Cannes, France.

Here’s a closer look:

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re horrified.  You find me repulsive.

Well, it’s not what you think.

There’s a story here, and if you’ve read this far, you’re going to hear every sleazy detail.

I got out of bed this morning at 9 am sharp.  As I was getting dressed, I looked back at the bed and saw this appalling sight.

Imagine the horror.

But the odor wasn’t quite what I expected.  In fact, the odor was quite pleasant.

Has your revulsion meter hit overdrive yet?  I’ll pause a moment and give you a chance to run to the bathroom and vomit.

I had smelled this familiar odor before.  Many times.  And, it wasn’t just coming from the sheets.  I looked down.  It was also all over my body, especially my backside.  I was covered in brown.

What was this odd brown substance?

Bathing Beauty — My Rant Against French Hotel Rooms

Americans aren’t going to like what I’m about to say.  But the French do a lot of things much better than we do.

The French are better at cooking.  They make more time to celebrate life.  Their culture exudes extraordinary art and architecture.  Even their dogs have it much better than their American counterparts — as canines are taken everywhere including airports, restaurants, and even fancy hotels.

But one thing the French are miserable at is bathrooms.

That’s right — bathrooms.

Is it too much to ask to get a shower in a $350-a-night hotel room?

I’m currently staying at one of the best hotels on the French Riviera, located right on Promenade de la Croisette, in Cannes.  This is the same hotel where all the movie stars and Hollywood people stay in during the famous Cannes Film Festival, which takes place right across the street.  This luxury hotel has classic portraits hanging right outside the door of famous people who have stayed in each room.  My hotel room has Woody Allen and Orson Wells’ photos out in front.  So, I guess that means Woody and Orson once stayed in my room — not together, of course.

Which makes me wonder — how did Orson Wells ever fit inside this bathtub?